Check The Facts

Have you ever felt yourself making a knee-jerk decision based on emotion?

Maybe someone said something to you, or you strongly disagreed with a situation happening before you.

Whatever the case may be, what was the outcome?

Did it work out okay, or was it not so okay?

The outcome may have been different if you knew about today’s skill; check the facts.

I will go into detail about what this skill helps you with and give you some examples of how you can use it.

Check the Facts is a skill taught in the emotional regulation module of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It teaches you to look at the actual facts of a situation rather than rely on your interpretations of what’s happening.

Interpretation can mislead you because your emotions and feelings fuel them.

Remember that feelings and emotions are just information your body produces to help you live in the world around you. 

This data can sometimes be broken, and if you rely on it alone, you can make impulsive decisions that can harm you or others around you.

Check the Facts teaches you to examine your thoughts and the situation for details. Then, you can change your emotions about the prompting event. 

This is important because if you rely on your emotions alone to help interpret situations, you’ll find that your reactions might be based on misunderstandings (and misinterpretations).

Yeah, that’s not a road we want to walk down – the destination is stress, conflict, and dysregulation. Let’s not go there!

Checking the facts can help us step back from our emotions, look at the situation for what it is, and then decide!

How Checking the Facts Helps Emotion Regulation

Reduces Emotional Intensity 

Checking the facts can reduce the intensity of negative emotions by providing a clearer understanding of the situation. 

When you take the time to look at the details, your emotional reaction often decreases. 

You base your feelings on accurate details rather than assumptions or misinterpretations. 

This change in your thoughts can help calm intense emotions and prevent them from overwhelming you.

Increases Rational Thinking 

Fact-checking encourages you to be more rational and logical. 

That then helps you to balance out emotional responses. 

By looking at the facts, you engage the rational part of your brain, which can defend against the craziness of strong emotions (we’ve all been there – yes, I will throw the baby out with the bath water, thank you very much). 

Improves Decision-Making 

You need accurate information to make better decisions. 

You’ll probably choose more effective actions when you decide to do something based on facts (rather than purely emotions).

Checking the facts can prevent impulsive or harmful behaviours due to unchecked emotions.

And also, this is entirely contextual. 

Imagine you’re the engineering director for a NASA space launch. 

If you had made decisions based only on your emotions, would the rocket have made it into orbit? 

Yeah, that’s not going to happen. 

So, when we base our decisions on facts and allow room for our feelings and emotions (because they’re still important), we’ll make decisions with the most effective outcome.

Enhances Problem-Solving 

Understanding the facts can help identify practical solutions to problems. 

When you approach challenges calmly and focused, you are better equipped to think creatively and find practical solutions. 

Fact-checking helps you stay grounded and prevents you from being clouded by emotions, allowing you to address issues more effectively.

Builds Resilience 

Regularly checking the facts can build emotional resilience over time. 

By practising keeping your emotions in check (by looking at the facts), you better manage your emotions and responses in various situations. 

This resilience helps you bounce back more quickly from setbacks and maintain a stable emotional state.

Prevents Misunderstandings 

Checking the facts can prevent misunderstandings in your relationships by helping you base your reactions on factual information. 

Misunderstandings happen when emotions drive interpretations that aren’t based on reality.

Clear communication benefits greatly from fact-checking, as it helps you respond to others more accurately and empathetically.

Promotes Emotional Awareness 

This skill encourages individuals to be more aware of their emotions and the triggers behind them. 

Regularly examining the facts helps you better understand your emotional responses and how they connect to your thoughts and feelings. 

This increased awareness can lead to more mindful and intentional reactions, enhancing overall emotional well-being.

Clear as mud, right? Well, now I’ll explain how this dbt skill works.

In the DBT manual, Marsha Linehan explains six questions we can ask ourselves that help us check the facts. 

If you’re familiar with other DBT skills, much of this revolves around checking in with yourself and being mindful of the situation and feelings.

It’s the same with this. 

So, let’s look at each of the six questions individually.

I also include practical tips on getting the most out of practising checking the facts.

To begin using the Check the Facts skill, identify the specific emotion you want to change. 

Emotions are complex and can often feel overwhelming, so narrowing down your feelings is important. 

Ask yourself, “Am I feeling angry, sad, scared, or something else?” 

Naming the emotion helps clarify your experience and gives you an excellent foundation to keep going.

Practical Tips:

• Pause and Reflect: Take a moment to pause and think about your feelings. If you’re unsure, think about common emotions (sadness, anger, joy, guilt) and see which resonates with your current experience.
• Use Emotion Wheels: Emotion wheels are tools that categorize emotions and help you pinpoint your feelings. They can be handy if you’re struggling to find the right word. [1]
• Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, seeing your emotions written out can help you understand what you’re experiencing.
• Discuss with a Friend or Therapist: Talking about your feelings with someone else can provide a new perspective and help you identify your emotions more accurately.

Identify the specific event or situation that is triggering your emotion. 

Use mindfulness skills to observe and describe the facts of the situation without judgment. Aim for a wise mind.

Focus on details you can see, hear, or experience directly rather than assumptions or interpretations. This is the point of the skill – look at the details, the cold, hard facts!

Describe the event in detail, answering “Who, What, When, and Where,” and, if known, “Why.” This helps you ground your emotions in actual events.

Practical Tips:

• Describe Without Judgment: Stick to the facts without adding interpretations. Challenge judgements. For example, instead of saying, “They ignored me because they don’t like me,” say, “They walked past me without saying hello.”
• Be Specific: The more specific you can be about the event, the better. Instead of saying, “I had a bad day,” describe the events that made your day difficult.
• Mindfulness Practice: Use mindfulness techniques to observe your surroundings and internal state without judgment. This can help you stay present and focused on the events rather than your interpretations. Take time to check in with yourself.

Analyse your thoughts and assumptions about the event. These interpretations can trigger your emotions intensely.

Challenge these assumptions by considering other possible interpretations and perspectives. 

Testing your interpretations against the facts can help reduce the intensity of your emotions.

Practical Tips:

• Question Your Thoughts: Ask yourself if there could be other reasons for what happened. For example, consider that they might be busy instead of assuming someone is mad at you because they didn’t respond to your message.
• Look for Evidence: Check if there’s concrete evidence supporting your interpretation. Are there other explanations that fit the facts just as well?
• Seek Alternative Views: Try to see the situation from another person’s perspective. This can help you understand different interpretations and reduce your emotional response. Play devil’s advocate.

Ask yourself if you are assuming a threat that may not be real. 

Put a label on the threat and see if it’s genuine. 

Think about other ways to interpret the situation that don’t involve feeling threatened. 

This helps you distinguish between actual threats and those created by your mind.

Practical Tips:

• Label the Threat: Identify what you perceive as the threat. Sometimes, naming it can help diminish its power.
• Assess Probability: Evaluate the likelihood that the threat is real. We regularly assume the worst negative outcome.
• Mindfulness: Use mindfulness to observe your thoughts and feelings about the threat without judgment. This can help you see the situation more clearly and reduce fear-based reactions.

Identify the worst-case scenario and how you can deal with it. 

This involves imagining the worst possible outcome and planning how to cope. 

This step, known as “cope ahead,” helps you prepare for potential challenges and reduces anxiety about what might happen.

Practical Tips:

• Visualize the Worst Case: Imagine the worst possible outcome and consider how you would handle it. This can help reduce fear of the unknown.
• Plan Ahead: Develop a plan for coping with the worst-case scenario. This can give you a sense of control and reduce anxiety.
• Stay Realistic: While it’s important to consider the worst-case scenario, remind yourself of the likelihood of this happening and the resources you have to cope with it.

Ask yourself if your emotional response meets the facts of the situation. 

Sometimes, our emotions can be out-of-whack relative to what caused them.

For instance, I once ordered a take-away burger, and after biting into it, I realized it was full of coleslaw. I hate coleslaw, so I was not happy.

I then started ranting and raving to my then-girlfriend about how awful that was. She thought it was funny (and so did my future mother-in-law), but they haven’t forgotten how upset I was.

Did my reaction meet the situation equally? You be the judge.

However, I never ordered food from that restaurant again.

Anywho…

You can adjust your emotional response to be more appropriate by checking if your emotions fit the facts.

Practical Tips:

• Compare Emotion to Facts: Assess whether your emotional reaction is proportional to the situation. Are you overreacting, or do the facts justify your response?
• Adjust Accordingly: If your emotions don’t match the facts, adjust your response. This might involve calming techniques, rethinking the situation, or seeking support.
• Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself if your emotions are disproportionate. Recognize that it’s a common human experience and use it as an opportunity to practice emotional regulation skills.

Alrighty, then.

Let’s look at Alex as he tackles this skill.

Situation:

Alex was recently passed over for a promotion at work. He feels a surge of anger and disappointment, convinced that his boss dislikes him and that he’s not valued at his job. He feels many emotions simultaneously.

Step 1: What is the emotion Alex wants to change?

Alex identifies that he wants to change his feelings of anger and disappointment.

Step 2: What is the event prompting his emotion?

Alex realizes the event prompting his emotion is not getting the promotion he applied for. He needs to describe the facts:

• He applied for a promotion.
• His boss announced that someone else got the promotion.
• His boss said they would discuss feedback later.

Step 3: What are his interpretations, thoughts, and assumptions about the event?

Alex acknowledges his thoughts and assumptions:

• He assumes his boss dislikes him.
• He thinks he’s not valued at his job.
• He believes he’s not good enough for the promotion. 

To challenge these thoughts, Alex considers other possible interpretations:

• His colleague may be more qualified for this specific promotion.
• There may be other factors his boss considered.
• The feedback session could provide insights for future growth.

Step 4: Is he assuming a threat?

Alex identifies the perceived threat:

• He fears his career is at a standstill.
• He worries he won’t have opportunities to advance. 

Assessing the probability, he realizes:

• His boss is scheduling a feedback session, which suggests they see potential in him.
• His performance reviews have been positive, which indicates he is valued.

Step 5: What’s the catastrophe?

Alex identifies the worst-case scenario:

• The worst-case scenario is that he never gets promoted and feels stuck in his current role. 

Planning how to deal with it, he thinks:

• He could seek opportunities for skill development.
• He might look for new job opportunities if he genuinely feels undervalued.

Step 6: Does his emotion and/or its intensity fit the facts?

Alex evaluates his emotional response:

• His anger and disappointment feel intense but might not fully match the facts.
• He acknowledges that his disappointment is valid but realizes that the intensity might be lessened by considering all the facts and potential opportunities for growth.

Outcome:

Alex gains a clearer perspective on the situation using the Check the Facts skill. 

He understands that his immediate emotional response, while valid, might be heightened by assumptions and fears. 

He approaches the feedback session with an open mind, ready to learn and improve, and considers his next steps with a more balanced emotional state.

Pretty cool, eh? 

It might seem and feel a little formulaic, which mightn’t come naturally to you, but practising this gets easier as you go. 

With all these skills, the hardest part is remembering to stop yourself and go through this process. Holding back is the hardest part. 

But when we hold back and engage the logical part of our brain, we can make progress. 

So, hold back to make progress. 

You won’t get different results if you repeatedly do the same things. 

So change how you operate and check the facts—it’s a great way to do that, and you’ll reap the rewards.

To round this out, let’s look at when emotions fit the facts.

Knowing when emotions fit the facts can be challenging because, as we’ve already concluded, they can be out of whack. 

So, use this as a handy reference to understand when these emotions come up and whether they fit the facts of the situation. 

I’ve given examples of where and when these apply. 

Of course, substitute these with your own because that’s when you’ll get the most value out of this skill.

Your Emotions Fit the Facts If

Guilt

• Your behaviour violates your own values or moral code
• Example: You lie to a friend, even though honesty is your core value.

Anger

• An important goal or desire is blocked, interrupted, or prevented
• Example: Your promotion at work is delayed because of budget cuts.

• You or a loved one is hurt, insulted, or threatened by others
• Example: Your child is bullied at school.

• The integrity or status of your community is threatened
• Example: Someone spreads false rumours about your neighbourhood, causing mistrust among neighbours.

Envy

• Someone else has something you don’t have that you want or need
• Example: Your colleague receives a prestigious award you hoped to win.

Love

• Loving someone or something enhances your or a loved one’s quality of life
• Example: You love your dog, and their companionship brings you joy and comfort.

• Loving someone or something increases your chances of meeting your personal goals.
• Example: You love painting, and pursuing this hobby helps you build a portfolio for an art school application.

Fear

• There is a threat to the health, life, or well-being of you or a loved one
• Example: You receive a severe weather warning for a hurricane approaching your area.

Disgust

• Something you are in contact with could poison you
• Example: You accidentally drink spoiled milk.

• Somebody whom you truly dislike is touching you or a loved one
• Example: A person who previously harassed you tries to shake your hand at a social event.

• You are around someone whose behaviour could harmfully influence or damage you or your group.
• Example: You are at a party where someone is distributing illegal drugs.

Jealousy

• Something important to you that you desire is in danger of being damaged or lost.
• Example: Your partner spends much time with a new friend, making you feel sidelined.

• Someone is threatening to take something important to you away
• Example: Your business partner suggests splitting up the company, potentially leaving you without the necessary resources.

Sadness

• You have lost someone or something permanently
• Example: Your pet passes away after years of companionship.

• Things are not the way you expected, hoped, or wanted them to be
• Example: A planned family vacation is cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Finally, a gauge on intensity and duration: 

Intensity and Duration of an Emotion are Justified by…

• How likely it is that what you expect will happen
• How vital that outcome is to you
• How effective the emotion you’re feeling is in your life right now

That’s a wrap

Let’s face it: We all interpret and assume or make assumptions about what happens to us and around us. 

Sometimes, those things are valuable and healthy, and we must make interpretations because the facts aren’t clear. 

But more often than not, our interpretations cloud our judgment. 

Now, for some people, that may not be a problem. 

But if you’re reading this article as someone who has BPD, then maybe you realise your impulses and emotions can cause you quite a lot of harm. 

I speak from personal experience. I’m BPD. 

When I don’t check the facts and allow my feelings to guide my interpretations, I usually end up in a worse place than when I started. 

So don’t be like me. Use this skill to your advantage. 

Sure, it takes time and energy, but it is worth it. 

Hopefully, I’ve outlined the process you should follow, but this is not exhaustive or conclusive. There’s always room for improvement.

But it’s a good starting point. So do your best practising this. 

As always, if you have any comments, hit me up on the contact page. I’m more than happy to have a conversation about this stuff.

Take a look at the skill opposite action or ABC Please next if you want to keep learning.