How To Master DBT Pros and Cons Skill

Every day, we have difficult decisions to make. 

Will I eat at McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, or Burger King? Okay, kidding. 

But seriously, our decisions can have far-reaching effects on us and those around us. 

Now, wouldn’t it be nice if you had, say, a framework to weigh up your decisions so that you could consider how the consequences of those decisions will affect you (and your mental health) and other people as well?

That’s where DBT’s (dialectical behavior therapy) pros and cons distress tolerance skill comes in. It’s a great way to help you weigh up the consequences of your decisions and logically consider whether you should do something. 

So, I will look at the skill, and then we’ll move into different scenarios that you could use to get your creative juices flowing.

So saddle your horses, and let’s ride on to pro and con paradise.

Skip straight to the 5 ways

What is the PROS and CONS Skill in DBT?

This skill examines the pros and cons of tolerating distress vs. not tolerating distress. It is part of the distress tolerance skills.

So they’re different from regular pros and cons where you look at the positive and negative aspects of buying something, for instance. 

So, when you use the pros and cons skill, you try to understand the consequences of your actions.

Why would you do this, though?

Feeling anxious, stressed or overwhelmed makes it hard to make valuable choices. 

When you’re feeling like this, you often make emotional rather than rational decisions. Depending on your decision, you can end up with guilt and shame as a result. 

The pros and cons skill helps you consider your rational and emotional sides.

You evaluate the situation from both perspectives.

So, to reiterate, pros and cons help you be more effective in deciding whether a set of behaviours is valuable.

Reasons You Need to Know the PROS and CONS Skill

Knowing the pros and cons skill will help you make better decisions and not rely solely on your emotions.

It will help you weigh the consequences of doing or not doing the thing or acting or behaving, whatever the case. 

It also helps you feel less stressed and overwhelmed because you can regain some control and understand the effect that your decisions might have. 

Last but not least, it allows you to pause and evaluate your situation, which can help prevent you from making impulsive and regrettable decisions. 

So, I will provide step-by-step instructions on mastering the skill and then give you five ways to use it.

Step-by-Step Instructions to Master the PROS and CONS Skill

Okay, for the most part, this involves writing stuff down. 

So get out a pen and paper and make a table with pros on one side and cons on the other. Then, act on the urge or resist the urge on the other side. 

Take a look at the example I’ve shown below. 

Consider the list of pros and cons of acting on the crisis urge. One example might be engaging in dangerous, addictive, or harmful behaviours.

Or giving in, giving up or avoiding doing what’s necessary to make your life worth living. 

	Pros	Cons
Acting on crisis urges	Pros of acting on impulsive urges, giving in, giving up, or avoiding what needs to be done	Cons of acting on impulsive urges, giving in, giving up, or avoiding what needs to be done
Resisting crisis urges	Pros of resisting impulsive urges, doing what needs to be done, and not giving up.	Cons of resisting impulsive urges, doing what needs to be done, and not giving up.

The other part of the table is the list of pros and cons of resisting the crisis urges. So that’s tolerating the distress and not giving in to your urges.

Here are two other tips to help you with this skill: 

Before an overwhelming crisis urge hits you: 

• Write out the pros and cons and carry them with you. 
• If you’re comfortable, rehearse your pros and cons over and over with someone else. 

The second one is when an overwhelming crisis urge hits: 

• Review your pros and cons. 
• Take your list out and read it over again. 
• Think about the positive consequences of resisting the urge. 
• Imagine the negative consequences of giving into the crisis behaviour. 
• Remember past consequences when you’ve acted on crisis urges.

Five Ways to Use DBT PROS and CONS to Avoid Crisis Urges

Below, I list five crises you might find yourself in and how you can use the Pros and Cons system to help.

Urge: Urge to quit your job impulsively due to overwhelming stress and dissatisfaction.

	Acting on Crisis Urges	Resisting Crisis Urges
Pros	– Immediate relief from current stress.	– Maintains job security and financial stability.
	– Sense of control by making a quick decision.	– Allows time to plan strategically if a job change is needed.
	– Stops the immediate feeling of being trapped.	– Provides an opportunity to address the issues more constructively.
Cons	– May regret the decision when under less stress.	– Continued stress and dissatisfaction in the short term.
	– Potential financial insecurity.	– Requires enduring discomfort while seeking long-term solutions.
	– Loss of professional relationships and opportunities.	– Might feel temporarily powerless or stuck.

Urge: Urgently spending a large amount of savings on an impulsive purchase

	Acting on Crisis Urges	Resisting Crisis Urges
Pros	– Immediate gratification and joy from the purchase.	– Financial stability is maintained.
	– Temporary escape from boredom or stress.	– Savings can be used for more crucial or planned needs.
Cons	– Potential financial stress due to reduced savings.	– Ongoing feelings of wanting or deprivation.
	– Regret over impulsive financial decisions.	– May feel like missing out on immediate joy.

Urge: Breaking off a relationship during an argument

	Acting on Crisis Urges	Resisting Crisis Urges
Pros	– Immediate relief from conflict.	– Opportunity to resolve issues and strengthen the relationship.
	– Feeling of empowerment by taking decisive action.	– Maintains important personal connections.
Cons	– Possible regret and loneliness after the breakup.	– Continued stress while working through relationship issues.
	– Loss of a potentially valuable relationship.	– Emotional strain during conflict resolution.

Urge: Reacting physically during a heated argument

	Acting on Crisis Urges	Resisting Crisis Urges
Pros	– Immediate release of pent-up anger or tension.	– Avoids legal or interpersonal consequences.
	– Sense of reclaiming power or control in the moment.	– Maintains respect and integrity in relationships.
Cons	– Possible physical harm to others and legal issues.	– Continued internal frustration and anger.
	– Long-term damage to relationships and self-image.	– Requires finding other ways to manage intense emotions.

Urge: Dropping out of a challenging course or job training

	Acting on Crisis Urges	Resisting Crisis Urges
Pros	– Immediate relief from stress and demands.	– Long-term benefits of completed education or training.
	– Sense of relief by reducing immediate pressure.	– Improved job prospects and personal growth.
Cons	– Potential regret and impact on career goals.	– Continued challenge and stress in the short term.
	– Loss of investment in time and resources.	– Necessity to develop resilience and problem-solving skills.

Wrapping Up and My Experience With the PROS and CONS Skill

This is one of those skills that you can only really practice ahead of time. But you can try it in group therapy sessions as well.

So, please do that. Download the pros and cons worksheet (it’s free!) and complete the exercise.

Refer to the five examples I gave you for guidance.

I have about 4 of these in my wallet for when I’m in a crisis and need to refer to them.

This stuff works if you work it.

So, please give it a go.

Love,

Sean

I recommend you look at the STOP Skill or Improve the Moment next.