ABC PLEASE: Feel Good and Improve Your Mood

You’ve probably heard the expression, “You are what you eat.”

But maybe another way of thinking is, “You are happy because of what you do.”

In the same vein as “You are what you eat.” – when you do things that bring positivity and happiness, you ultimately become happier.

That’s the point of this skill, ABC Please. It’s meant to help you accumulate positive emotions and feelings in both the short and long term and look after yourself physically.

So, let’s go on this journey together.

What is ABC PLEASE?

The ABC PLEASE skills are DBT(dialectical behaviour therapy) skills that help regulate emotions. (They are part of the emotion regulation module.)

Instead of being managed by your emotions, it provides you with coping skills to help you manage and better control your reactions. It also helps reduce your vulnerability to negative emotions and sets you up to build positive emotional experiences. 

ABC PLEASE is two separate skills of different coping strategies.

The first (ABC) helps you spend time doing things that will make you feel good and improve your mood.

The second (PLEASE) involves caring for yourself to reduce your vulnerability.

As with many of the skills in DBT, ABC PLEASE is an acronym. Let’s look at them briefly here, and then I’ll explain them in more detail.

A – Accumulate Positive Emotions

When you participate in positive events, you accumulate positive emotions. We all need these things to be happy.

Regularly engaging in enjoyable activities helps create more positive emotions. Some activities contribute to short-term happiness, and some contribute to long-term happiness.

B – Build Mastery

Mastery is truly excelling and becoming an expert in something. We all need this feeling regularly, but it’s often difficult to achieve and requires quite a lot of effort.

However, the feeling we get from this can help us cope with and manage our intense emotions. It also helps build emotional resilience because we feel good about ourselves.

C – Cope Ahead

Coping ahead helps you preempt difficult situations that might be on the horizon. You’ll often visualize yourself in the situation that’s coming up and plan out strategies for coping with it.

PL – Treat Physical Illness

If we don’t treat our physical illnesses, it can affect our emotional and mental well-being.

We may not be prepared to cope with emotionally difficult situations when they come up if we’re suffering from poor health.

So, treating physical illness is important in reducing vulnerability to these emotions.

E – Balance Eating

When you’re hungry, you may not feel or be yourself. So it’s important to have a healthy, balanced diet and eat regularly—not too little, not too much. It is an important part of caring for yourself.

A – Avoid Mood-Altering Substances

Drugs and alcohol impair your ability to cope with difficult situations and emotions. It’s smart to reduce or eliminate your use of drugs and alcohol. That includes legal and illegal drugs.

S – Balance Sleep

Not getting enough sleep can adversely affect your ability to cope with difficult situations. 7-9 hours are usually what’s recommended and necessary. Try to get up each day at the same time. Sleep is very important for maintaining emotional well-being, so prioritize it.

E – Get Exercise

There’s a strong link between your emotional and mental well-being and exercise. Exercise has physical effects on your body and your brain that help you regulate your mood.

You can take advantage of these effects by regularly exercising and staying physically active. Even if you’re not exercising strenuously, moving your body can be enough.

Ok, let’s take an in-depth look at them now.

Positive events in life are an important part of happiness. If you don’t have them already, you must build them into your life. 

Remember that we’re trying to make a life worth living and build self-confidence. 

This part of the skill helps improve emotional health, particularly because you’re doing things that help improve your mood and build happiness in your daily life.

Let’s break this part of the skill down into short-term and long-term happiness. 

How to Accumulate Positive Emotions in the Short-Term

You accumulate positive emotions in the short term by building positive experiences now, the present. You do that by engaging in building positive experiences.

These short-term activities come and go relatively quickly, but the point is that doing them gives you positive feelings and emotions and helps improve your well-being.

Do one thing each day from the pleasant events list to help increase positive emotions and ‘happy’ feelings.

Here are a few examples of pleasant events you can start today:

• Practice Yoga
• Play football
• Go for a walk
• Swimming
• Reading
• Solve a puzzle
• Journaling
• Going to a concert
• Being with friends
• Watching TV

Check out this list of 300+ pleasant activities if you need more inspiration. 

Something to be aware of when you’re trying these activities out: Aim to avoid avoiding.

Actually do these things don’t just plan to do them. 

Opposite action is a skill that can help you with this. It helps you avoid avoidance. It will arm you with a way to overcome negative feelings and start doing pleasant activities.

The other thing to remember is to be mindful when engaging in these activities. 

Don’t multitask. For instance, don’t read and check your phone simultaneously. 

Be engaged in the present moment fully.

If your mind wanders when you’re engaged, refocus your attention. This especially applies when your mind wanders to the negative.

Remember to participate and engage fully in each experience. Immerse yourself in it.

Finally, try to be unmindful of your worries. Worries that might come up could be:

What’s going to happen when the positive experience ends? 

Do you deserve a positive experience? 

Is there more expected of you now? 

Aim to focus on the positives, enjoy the moment, be present, and experience what’s happening around you rather than worrying about what may happen.

So, the above helps accumulate positive emotions in the short term. These short-term activities will come and go relatively quickly, but you can do them regularly to boost your happiness. 

The other part of accumulating positive emotions is the longer term.

So, let’s take a look at what that looks like now.

How to Accumulate Positive Emotions in the Long-Term

You accumulate positive emotions in the long term by making changes in your life so that positive events will occur in the future.

These activities give you a longer-lasting sense of satisfaction, contentment, fulfilment and happiness. Usually, they will help you work towards things that are important and valued by you. 

Seven Steps To Accumulate Long-Term Positive Emotions

Step One – Avoid Avoiding

You can avoid avoiding by starting right now. Don’t procrastinate. Please don’t put it off. 

Do what is needed to build the life that you want. 

If you’re unsure what to do, follow the next steps.

Step Two – Identify values that are important to you

You can identify values that are important to you by asking yourself what values are really important to you in your life.  

Here are some examples to consider: 

• Being productive
• Being part of a group 
• Treating others well
• Being physically fit
• Building and maintaining strong relationships
• Pursuing continuous learning and personal growth
• Contributing to the community or volunteering
• Achieving financial stability and security
• Developing creativity and artistic skills

Step Three – Identify one value to work on now

When you identify one value to work on now you ask yourself: ‘what is especially important to me right now to work on in my life.’ Only you can answer this question.

Step Four – Identify a few goals related to this value

In step four, you identify goals related to the value because this starts to make it more tangible and useful. So, ask yourself what specific goals you can work on that will help you acquire this value. 

Here are some examples:

• Get a job where I can do something useful
• Be more active in keeping up with important tasks at home
• Find a volunteer job that will use skills I already have
• Stay in contact more with family members and friends

Step Five – Choose one goal to work on now

Choose a goal to work on right now. If you can’t decide, write out the pros and cons of choosing that goal.

Example: Be more active in keeping up with important tasks at home.

Step Six – Identify small action steps towards your goal

Identifying small action steps toward your goal will help you achieve it. View them as stepping stones to your destination. 

Ask yourself: What small steps can I take to achieve my goal? 

Here are some examples of what you could do if you were searching for a new job: 

• Visit places and look for job openings on the internet in your area. 
• Apply for jobs at places you want to work. 
• Write a new resume/CV. 
• Check out benefits at places you want to work.

Step Seven – Take one action step now

Step seven encourages you to do something NOW to help you reach your goal. 

So do one of the action steps you’ve listed above now. 

If we take our list from above, for example, you would search the Internet for jobs in your area. That’s quite simple, yet it aligns with your goal and will contribute to positive emotions in the longer term.

Let’s examine an example of positive emotions’ short-term and long-term accumulation. Our friend Alex will come to the rescue again!

Examples of Accumulating Positive Emotions: Short-Term

Short-Term Positive Emotions:

Example 1: Enjoying a Hobby

• Situation: Alex has had a stressful week at work.
• Activity: Alex decides to spend his Saturday afternoon painting, a hobby he enjoys but hasn’t had time for recently.
• Outcome: By dedicating a few hours to painting, Alex immerses himself in the creative process, helping to alleviate stress and bringing him joy. He feels accomplished and more relaxed, contributing to positive emotions.

Example 2: Socializing with Friends

• Situation: Alex feels lonely and isolated after a long day.
• Activity: He calls up a few friends, and they decide to meet at a nearby café for coffee and conversation.
• Outcome: Spending time with friends helps Alex feel connected and supported. The laughter and shared experiences lift his mood, providing immediate positive emotional reinforcement.

Examples of Accumulating Positive Emotions: Long-Term

Example 1: Pursuing a Fitness Goal

Step One – Avoid Avoiding

Alex decides to improve his physical fitness. To avoid avoiding, he moves on to step two.

Step Two – Identify values that are important to you.

Alex identifies these values as important to him:

• Being physically fit
• Building and maintaining strong relationships
• Treating others well
• Pursuing continuous learning and personal growth
• Contributing to the community or volunteering

Step Three – Identify one value to work on now.

Alex chooses to focus on the value of being physically fit.

Step Four – Identify a few goals related to this value.

Alex identifies the following goals related to physical fitness:

• Start a regular exercise routine
• Participate in a local sports team
• Complete a fitness challenge, like a 5K run
• Join a gym or fitness class

Step Five – Choose one goal to work on now.

Alex decides to start a regular exercise routine.

Step Six – Identify small action steps towards your goal.

Alex identifies these small action steps:

• Research and choose a fitness program
• Set a schedule for workouts
• Buy necessary workout gear
• Find a workout buddy for motivation

Step Seven – Take one action step now.

Alex takes one action step now by setting a schedule for workouts.

Example 2: Advancing Career Skills

Step One – Avoid Avoiding 

Alex decides that he wants to upskill in his career. To avoid avoiding, he moves on to step two.

Step Two – Identify values that are important to you

Alex identifies these values as important to him:

• Being productive
• Pursuing continuous learning and personal growth
• Achieving financial stability and security
• Building and maintaining strong relationships
• Contributing to the community or volunteering

Step Three – Identify one value to work on now 

Alex focuses on the value of pursuing continuous learning and personal growth.

Step Four – Identify a few goals related to this value

Alex identifies the following goals related to continuous learning and personal growth:

• Obtain a professional certification
• Enroll in an advanced degree program
• Attend industry conferences and workshops
• Read relevant books and articles regularly

Step Five – Choose one goal to work on now 

Alex decides to obtain a professional certification.

Step Six – Identify small action steps towards your goal 

Alex identifies these small action steps:

• Research certification programs
• Enroll in a course that offers the certification
• Set a study schedule
• Connect with professionals in the field for guidance

Step Seven – Take one action step now

Alex has now taken one action step by researching certification programs.

Let’s see how we can build mastery next.

Building mastery is a vital part of the ABC PLEASE Skill. 

You build mastery by engaging in challenging activities and level up over time by doing them more. That way, you’re building mastery or becoming highly proficient in this activity.

This gives you a sense of accomplishment, an important part of happiness.

Of course, to be a master at something (even a Jedi master), you must do it regularly. But I’m sure you were expecting me to say that!

But, get this. Not only will you get that sense of accomplishment, but doing this part of the skill will make you less vulnerable to negative emotions. Why? 

Because you’ll feel good about yourself most of the time.

So, when those challenging emotions arise, you’ll already be in a good place and can tolerate the feelings more effectively.

How to Build Mastery

You can build mastery by:

• Planning on doing at least one thing each day to build a sense of accomplishment
• Planning for success, not failure. Do something difficult but possible.
• Gradually increase the difficulty over time. If the first task is too complicated, do something easier next time.
• Looking for a challenge. If the task was too easy, try something a little harder next time.

Here’s a list of activities that you could try to master over time:

• Learning an instrument
• Solving sudoku puzzles
• Levelling up your chess game
• Achieving all the accomplishments on a difficult video game on the hardest difficulty
• Learning to paint
• Learning to draw
• Learning to write with both hands
• Teaching yourself how to code
• Carpentry
• Metalwork
• Reaching a certain fitness level or attaining a personal best
• Doing maths puzzles
• Teaching yourself some form of DIY skill (painting, plumbing, electrics)
• Gardening and landscaping
• Building an outdoor building (a pergola, the base of a hot tub)

Let’s see how our friend Alex uses building mastery to help himself.

Example of Building Mastery

Alex was feeling a bit down and depressed, struggling with negative emotions that seemed to weigh him down daily.

He decided to take a proactive step to improve his mood and well-being by focusing on building mastery.

By engaging in an activity that he could gradually become proficient in, Alex hoped to create a sense of accomplishment and happiness.

Step 1: Choosing an Activity

Alex chose to learn to play the guitar. He had always loved music but had never taken the time to learn an instrument. He figured that learning to play the guitar would be challenging yet enjoyable.

Step 2: Planning for Success

Alex set a realistic goal of learning one new chord each week. He knew that trying to master the entire instrument at once would be overwhelming, so he decided to start small and build his skills gradually.

Step 3: Engaging in Regular Practice

Each day, Alex dedicated 30 minutes to practising the guitar. He started with basic chords and simple songs, gradually increasing the complexity of the pieces he played. He also watched online tutorials and joined a local music group to learn from others and stay motivated.

Step 4: Gradually Increasing Difficulty

As weeks passed, Alex felt more confident in his playing. He began learning more challenging songs and experimenting with different playing techniques. Each new achievement, whether mastering a complex chord or playing a complete song, gave him a sense of accomplishment.

Step 5: Reflecting on Progress

Alex kept a journal to note his progress and the emotions he experienced while playing the guitar. He noticed that as he became more proficient, he felt a boost in his self-esteem and overall mood. The negative emotions that once felt overwhelming started to diminish as he focused on his new skill.

Step 6: Reaping the Benefits

By mastering playing the guitar, Alex found a productive way to manage his emotions. The sense of accomplishment he gained from his progress made him feel more capable and resilient. He felt good about himself and was better equipped to handle challenging emotions when they arose.

Through building mastery, Alex learned that engaging in challenging activities and gradually improving his skills could significantly enhance his emotional well-being.

This proactive approach helped him feel better and gave him a valuable new hobby that brought him joy and fulfilment.

How to cope ahead is next up.

‘Cope ahead’ is meant to help you prepare for challenging situations before they come up. 

It involves thinking ahead (in advance) to challenging situations in which you might feel triggered to engage in impulsive, destructive behaviours that could harm you or others around you. 

As it turns out, this isn’t only a valuable skill to use as part of DBT practice. 

I once heard a story about a man who survived a plane crash. The main reason that he survived was because he thought ahead to what he would do if the plane crashed. 

Now, thankfully, the plane didn’t crash in a ball of flames. 

But some people were hurt more than he was because they panicked when the plane started to descend, whereas he had thought about what he would do if the worst were to happen. 

Because he listened to the safety instructions at the start of the flight, he knew what to do if the plane came down. 

So because he coped ahead with the difficult situation, he came off better than others who didn’t do this. 

So, there is a real-world application to thinking in this way. 

In terms of your DBT skills, at least, this is valuable to pre-empt when situations come up that could pose a threat to your health and your mental well-being.

How to Cope Ahead

You can cope ahead by planning for what the situation might look like and then imagining what you will do and what skills you’ll use.

There are 5 steps to effectively practising coping ahead—let’s look at them now as they help describe this better.

Step 1: Describe the situation that is likely to prompt problem behaviour. 

• Check the facts. Be specific in describing the situation. 
• Name the emotions and actions likely to interfere with using your skills.

Step 2: Decide what coping or problem-solving skills you want to use. 

• Be specific. Write out how you will cope with the situation and your emotions and action urges.

Step 3. Imagine the situation in your mind as vividly as possible. 

• Imagine yourself in the situation now, not watching the situation.

Step 4. Rehearse in your mind coping effectively. 

• Rehearse in your mind precisely what you can do to cope effectively. 
• Rehearse your actions, thoughts, what you say and how to say it. 
• Rehearse coping effectively with new problems that come up. 
• Rehearse coping effectively with your most feared catastrophe.

Step 5. Practice relaxation after rehearsing.

• Probably the easiest part of coping ahead 🙂 

Example of Coping Ahead

Let’s see how Alex uses Coping Ahead to help himself.

Alex has an upcoming work presentation, which he finds extremely stressful and anxiety-inducing.

He often gets so nervous that he stumbles over his words and forgets key points, feeling embarrassed and frustrated.

Step 1: Describe the situation that is likely to prompt problem behaviour.

Alex identifies that giving the presentation is the situation likely to trigger his anxiety and problem behaviour.

He acknowledges that his emotions during the presentation include intense nervousness and fear of failure, which led to stumbling over his words and forgetting key points.

Step 2: Decide what coping or problem-solving skills you want to use.

Alex decides to use deep breathing exercises to calm his nerves, positive self-talk to boost his confidence, and visualization techniques to prepare mentally for the presentation.

He writes a plan detailing how to use these skills before and during the presentation.

Step 3: Imagine the situation in your mind as vividly as possible.

Alex sits in a quiet place and closes his eyes. He imagines himself standing in front of his colleagues, feeling the initial rush of nerves as he begins his presentation.

He visualizes the room, the faces of his colleagues, and the presentation slides.

Step 4: Rehearse in your mind coping effectively.

Alex mentally rehearses, taking a few deep breaths before starting his presentation to calm himself. He visualizes himself speaking confidently and clearly, recalling all key points.

He imagines using positive self-talk, saying, “I am prepared, and I can do this.”

He also rehearses how he would handle unexpected problems, like a technical glitch, by calmly addressing the issue and continuing with the presentation.

Step 5: Practice relaxation after rehearsing.

After rehearsing the scenario, Alex practices a few minutes of relaxation. He takes deep breaths, closes his eyes, and releases residual tension.

He feels more confident and prepared for the upcoming presentation.

Using the Cope Ahead skill, Alex feels better equipped to handle his anxiety and perform well during his presentation.

He is more confident that he can effectively manage his emotions and actions, which will lead to a more successful outcome.

The PLEASE part of the skill is up next. This focuses on taking care of yourself physically.

Why it Matters For Your Mental Health

Treating physical illness is vital for mental health because our physical body is connected to our mental and emotional state. 

Managing emotions or maintaining a positive outlook can be hard when physically unwell. 

Pain, discomfort and fatigue from untreated illnesses can increase stress and anxiety and create a cycle of worsening mental health. 

Chronic illnesses can lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression if not managed. 

By taking care of your physical body, you are creating a foundation for emotional stability and resilience.

We all know we don’t make the best decisions when we’re not feeling our best.

Look after yourself and treat physical illness to avoid making impulsive decisions when you’re not feeling your best.

Tips On What To Do

To treat physical illness effectively, visit healthcare professionals for check-ups and when you notice any unusual symptoms. 

Follow prescribed treatments and take medication as directed. 

Eat a balanced diet, stay hydrated and get enough rest. 

If you have a chronic condition, educate yourself about it and follow your healthcare provider’s management plan. 

Gentle physical activities are recommended to support overall well-being. 

Practice good hygiene to prevent infections and illnesses. 

Treating your physical body proactively prevents minor issues from becoming major problems and supports both your body and mind.

Why it Matters For Your Mental Health

Balanced eating is key for mental health because food directly affects brain function and mood regulation. 

A healthy diet gives us energy for daily activities and helps maintain stable blood sugar levels, preventing mood swings and irritability. 

Nutrient-dense foods support the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, essential for mood stabilization and overall mental well-being [1]. 

Poor eating habits can lead to deficiencies that worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression and create a cycle of poor mental health.

Tips On What To Do

Aim to eat a variety of nutrient-dense foods from all food groups. 

Include plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins and healthy fats in your diet.

Don’t skip meals, and try to eat at regular intervals to keep your energy levels stable. 

Limit processed foods, sugary snacks and drinks that can cause blood sugar spikes and crashes. 

Drink plenty of water throughout the day. 

Plan your meals so you have balanced and nutritious options available. 

Listen to your body’s hunger and fullness cues to avoid overeating or undereating.

Top Tip: You can build mastery of your cooking skills. This will also help you eat a balanced diet—and after a while, you could give Gordon Ramsey a run for his money!

Check out these recipes for beginners.

Why it Matters For Your Mental Health

Avoiding mood-altering substances (alcohol and mood-altering drugs) is key for mental health because these substances can affect your brain chemistry and emotional state. 

Substances like alcohol, drugs and even excessive caffeine can cause mood swings, anxiety, depression and impaired judgment. 

Over time, these substances can lead to addiction and create a cycle of dependence that worsens mental health. 

Avoiding these substances keeps your mind clear and emotions stable to better cope with life’s challenges.

Also, hangovers SUCK and there’s no way in hell you’re able to regulate yourself effectively if you’re hungover. So, ditch the booze.

Tips On What To Do

Start by identifying and limiting or eliminating alcohol, recreational drugs and caffeine. 

If you can’t quit alone, seek support from healthcare professionals, support groups or therapy. 

Develop healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, mindfulness, and hobbies to manage stress and emotions. 

Surround yourself with friends and family who support a substance-free lifestyle. 

Stay informed about the effects of different substances on your mental and physical health to reinforce your commitment to avoiding them. 

Replace substance use with healthier alternatives like herbal teas, nutritious snacks and physical activities.

Why it Matters For Your Mental Health

Balancing sleep is key for mental health because rest is essential for brain function, mood regulation and overall well-being. 

Sleep helps the brain process emotions, consolidate memories and rejuvenate the body [2]. 

Lack of sleep or poor quality sleep can cause increased stress, irritability, anxiety and depression. 

Over time, chronic sleep deprivation can impair cognitive function, decision making and overall mental health. 

So ensure you get enough rest each night to wake up refreshed, focused and better equipped to handle daily stressors.

Tips On What To Do

Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night to balance sleep. 

Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. 

Create a bedtime routine to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down; this might be reading, a warm bath or relaxation exercises. 

Make your sleep environment sleep conducive by keeping your bedroom cool, dark and quiet. 

Avoid stimulants like caffeine and electronics close to bedtime, as they can prevent sleep. 

If you can’t sleep, seek advice from a healthcare professional or sleep specialist.

Why it Matters For Your Mental Health

Getting exercise is key for mental health because physical activity has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression and improve mood and overall well-being [3]. 

Exercise stimulates the production of endorphins, natural mood lifters, and reduces the stress hormone cortisol. 

It also helps with sleep and increases energy and cognitive function. 

Regular physical activity provides a healthy outlet for stress and can boost self-esteem, confidence, and overall mental health.

Tips On What To Do

Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate physical activity most days of the week. 

Choose activities you enjoy, like walking, running, swimming, cycling or dancing, to make it easier to stick to your routine. 

Mix up your workouts with cardio, strength training and flexibility exercises to benefit different areas of your health. 

Start slow and gradually increase the intensity and duration as you get fitter. 

Find a workout buddy or join a group class to stay motivated and accountable. 

Remember, even small amounts of physical activity can make a big difference to your mental and physical health, so stay active and make exercise a habit.

Time to Wrap It Up

It’s all about building a life worth living. That’s why we practice these skills. 

ABC Please is there to help regulate your emotions. 

As always, the more you practice this skill, the more valuable you’ll get from it. 

This is one of those more fun skills that doesn’t require much effort, but it may take a little bit of planning. 

Focus on parts of the skill that resonate best with you and migrate to other parts that you find more challenging. 

For instance, if I first encountered this, I would choose some activities I’d like to build mastery and then start practising them. 

But when you’re doing that, remember to note how you feel and when you’re making progress because that’s what this is about: feeling good about yourself and accumulating positive emotions and feelings. 

So, do your best with this. That’s all you can do. 

I wish you well. 

All the best, Seán.

Take a look at opposite action or check the facts next.