Opposite Action: Let Your Body Lead Your Mind

If you’ve ever been to an AA meeting or any other of the Anon fellowships, a lot of the advice that’s first given to new members is to be present with the body, and the mind will follow.

That advice is given because, very often, the concepts and ideas a new member has to learn are opposite to what they have been doing for most of their lives.

They may not understand why, for instance, they must surrender or start believing in a higher power. However, the point is that if they take action, the belief follows.

This illustrates a key point of our skill for today: opposite action.

Usually, when we’re presented with a difficult situation, we have a learned way of dealing with that.

Opposite action promotes taking action differently from what we initially would.

So today, we’ll examine the skill, its benefits, and how you can practice it daily.

Let’s start with an explanation of what opposite action is.

What is Opposite Action?

Opposite Action is a dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) skill in which you do exactly the opposite of what an emotional urge tells you to do. It is part of the emotion regulation skillset.

If you step back for a moment and think about it, your emotions probably have encouraged you or caused you to make choices you wish you hadn’t made in hindsight.

That happens because, in the moment, intense feelings shortcircuit the logical priority of your brain.

So, an emotional response is calling the shots or directing the show, making you take a certain course of action.

So, by using opposite action, you’re mindfully aware of your intense emotions.

Rather than just acting on the emotion impulsively, you use the opposite action skill to behave oppositely to what your emotions are telling you.

Ok, great. That sounds like I ignore my feelings and emotions, right?

No, that’s not the case. Let’s look at what this skill isn’t.

Misconceptions about Opposite Action

Opposite Action isn’t ignoring your emotions or labelling an emotion as a negative emotion.

So, what’s important about opposite action is being mindful (living with intention) of and identifying particular occurring emotions.

To implement opposite action, you have to be aware of having emotions.

So you couldn’t simply ignore them if you wanted to do opposite action.

When you practice opposite action, you first acknowledge your emotions. You do not ignore them or push them down.

It just gives you some breathing space between what you will do and how the emotion makes you feel.

Cool. Help me place this with other skills I know about.

No problem.

Comparison with other emotion regulation techniques

Opposite action fits in nicely with some of the other skills taught in DBT and even some of the things that are taught in CBT.

So, in DBT, mindfulness is big, like it forms a core part of all of your skills practice. So how does opposite action relate to that?

Well, mindfulness encourages you to focus on the present moment and observe your thoughts and emotions non-judgmentally.

That’s key to effectively practising opposite actions. You need to be mindful and aware of your emotional responses, but equally, you’re not judging them. You’re just creating some space from them so you can decide in a non-impulsive way what to do next.

Likewise, cognitive reappraisal is taught in CBT. This involves changing how you think about something to change its emotional impact.

Similarly, with opposite action you’re practicing something different than you initially felt you should. Effectively, you change the way you think about a situation to alter the emotional impact that it’s having on you.

Cool beans. Let’s take a look at how it works.

How does Opposite Action Work?

I think using an example is a decent way of explaining how it works in reality.

Let’s say you’re feeling sad because you’ve lost your job.

You want to stay at home and isolate yourself. You don’t want to be around people, and all you feel like doing is staying in bed.

That happens because you recognize that much of what you see around you is a reminder that you’ve lost your job.

Perhaps you see people coming and going to work. Maybe you get to the end of the month, and there’s no paycheck there. Whatever the case may be.

So, if that emotion (sadness) influences you to stay at home cooped up lying in your bed, then taking an opposite action would cause you to behave differently.

If you were using opposite-action coping skills, you would perhaps go outside for a walk and get some fresh air.

You could maybe revise your resume. You would maybe start applying for new jobs.

So, you would partake in positive activities and act opposite to how you felt or how you wanted to act.

Let’s take a look at some more examples using common situations.

Example 1: Opposite Action for Anxiety

Situation: Alex has been invited to a social gathering but feels anxious and wants to avoid it.

• Emotion: Anxiety.
• Urge: Avoid social gatherings and stay at home.
• Opposite Action: Attend the social gathering.

Steps:

• Identify the Emotion and Urge: Alex acknowledges that he feels anxious about social gatherings and that his immediate urge is to avoid them.
• Choose the Opposite Action: Alex decides to go to the gathering instead of staying at home.
• Act Oppositely: Alex gets ready and heads to the event despite feeling anxious.
• Experience the Outcome: Alex finds that his anxiety decreases at the gathering as he engages with others and enjoys social interaction. By practising the opposite action, Alex challenges his anxiety and reduces its hold on him.

Example 2: Opposite Action for Anger

Situation: Alex has disagreed with his colleague at work and is angry.

• Emotion: Anger
• Urge: Yell at the colleague or send a harsh email
• Opposite Action: Calmly discuss the issue or take a walk to cool down

Steps:

• Identify the Emotion and Urge: Alex recognizes that he is angry, and his initial urge is to confront his colleague aggressively.
• Choose the Opposite Action: Alex uses a calm and composed approach instead of reacting angrily.
• Act Opposite: Alex takes a few deep breaths and calmly approaches his colleague to discuss the issue. He might also walk outside to cool off before addressing the problem.
• Experience the Outcome: By choosing the opposite action, Alex avoids escalating the conflict and finds a more constructive way to resolve the disagreement. This helps him maintain a positive work environment and reduces his stress levels.

Hopefully, you’re starting to see the pattern.

To effectively use opposite action, you must identify the emotion, feeling, and urge you first have. You can then decide on what the opposite action would be to that.

Then, you have to act oppositely because knowing what you should do is great, but if you don’t do it, what’s the point? Additionally, you get to experience the outcome afterwards and be mindful of that, too.

This reinforces the idea that taking positive actions can change how you think and feel, which is the whole point of this skill.

Now, that brings up an interesting point. How does this work? Are there any studies or evidence that help us understand this a bit more?

Why does Opposite Action work?

Let’s first chat about how your emotions influence your behaviours.

Can you think of a time when you were perhaps fearful, anxious, angry or sad? And in the heat of a moment, you made a decision, or you said something that had far-reaching consequences?

That’s proof that your emotions can dictate actions and influence your behaviours.

Now, sometimes it’s okay when that happens. There’s no major damage done.

However, it can also lead to problems that are hard to repair.

You might make a decision based on fear, for instance, that causes you to perhaps invest in some money-making scheme. It causes you to whittle away your entire life savings because you fear missing out on securing your future financially.

And unfortunately, the money-making scheme goes belly up, and you make nothing. You lose everything.

That would be an extreme example of how your emotions dictate your actions and can have life-altering consequences. Hopefully, you see that your emotions can and do dictate what happens in your life.

So, the whole point of opposite action is being mindful of these emotions and how they affect your actions. It provides you with awareness.

This means that the rational part of your mind controls your behaviours, not your emotions, feelings, or impulses. Feelings, emotions, and impulses are just information that your body provides you to inform you of your surroundings. The problem is that we regularly misinterpret this information.

Opposite Action provides a way of counteracting this misinterpretation.

Ok, so where’s the proof that this works?

The Science Behind Opposite Action

Ok, what we have to bear in mind is that emotions and behaviours are a two-way street. What do I mean by that?

Emotions shape your behaviour, but behaviours shape your emotions. So it’s a reciprocal relationship. [1]

Take this as an example.

In Hollywood, usually, actors and actresses who play a couple in a movie fall in love on the set, for real, outside of the movie. Why does that happen?

It happens for several reasons. They probably have a lot in common. They’re both young and attractive. They’re around each other a lot. But they also act out love scenes together. They have to act like people who are affectionate for each other, looking into each other’s eyes and touching each other.

They’re acting out the behaviours of love, so it’s not difficult to imagine that the emotion of love will often follow.

Science argues that behaviours are stronger than emotions and that behaviours cause emotions, not the other way around.

Research in clinical psychology over the last few years shows that the fastest way to change an emotion is to change its associated behaviour.

Let’s take a step back to lend credence to this argument.

An experiment in 1971 that took place in the basement of the Stanford psychology building became known as the Stanford prison experiments. [2]

There were two groups of participants in the experiment: prisoners and prison guards.

The idea of the experiment was to test out the theory we’ve just been discussing.

Funnily enough, within days, the prison guards began to display the attitudes you’d expect from prison guards, and they ended up subjecting some of the prisoners to humiliation intentionally.

The prisoners developed some passive attitudes and sank into a depressed state, and the experiment had to be stopped after only six days.

Of course, the guards in the experiment weren’t guards, and the prisoners weren’t prisoners; they were just volunteers.

But once they began to act the part, they began to feel the part.

This suggests that this skill is rooted in science and backed up by clinical evidence.

Now, that might not be the motivator that you need to start practising, but surely, having some evidence that behaviours can dictate emotions isn’t a bad thing.

Grand. Let’s look at some benefits and drawbacks of the skill because nothing is perfect!

Benefits and Drawbacks of Opposite Action

Advantages

IT MAKES YOU MORE RESILIENT

So, there’s a part of your brain called the AMCC, the anterior midcingulate cortex, and it’s related to how tenacious you are, which is another way of saying how much grit and resilience determination you have.

So when you do things you initially resist, i.e. you take the opposite action, you strengthen that part of your brain. So practising opposite action is good for your brain health and emotional resilience.

IT MAKES YOU SMARTER

Practising opposite action can help improve your problem-solving skills.

It does this because when you practice the skill, you take time to be thoughtful and deliberate in responding to emotional triggers.

This promotes better problem-solving skills because you approach problems with a much calmer mindset rather than reacting impulsively.

And it doesn’t have to relate to emotional impulses; it can be anything. When you get into the practice of taking a moment to step back, you engage different parts of your brain that help you think more logically.

So by practicing this skill you could say you become a bit smarter!

IT MAKES YOU EASIER TO BE AROUND

Okay, let’s call a spade a spade. If you are borderline (I speak from personal experience here), at times, you’re a difficult person to be around. And seeing as how we’re talking about a DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) skill, this is relevant.

That’s okay. Like myself, you recognize the fact that this is a mental illness. And you’re doing your best to deal with it.

Unfortunately, however, this can mean our relationships with others are difficult. Sometimes, they fall apart completely.

In contrast, when you start to practice opposite actions and choose constructive actions over negative urges, you find that you’re easier to be around. 

Your interactions with other people improve, and you’re less judgmental of them. As a result, you end up having warmer and closer relationships with people because you don’t take how you feel out on them.

You’re managing your emotions more effectively. And that has a downstream effect of improving your relationships with them.

Sweet. What about the drawbacks?

Drawbacks

It takes time to master

Mastering this skill doesn’t happen overnight. You have to practice it, you have to be aware of it, and you have to think outside the box.

So, it’s going to take consistent practice and patience.

If you don’t see results immediately, you might become discouraged, leading to frustration and abandonment of the technique. But don’t give up.

Anything worth doing is usually challenging, but it is rewarding.

Look to the goal and the endpoints, and imagine yourself feeling happier and more content because that’s what opposite action can help with.

Initial resistance

To succeed at this skill, you must act in a way that resists your intense emotions.

You will have strong urges to be impulsive and do the first thing that comes into your head.

So, when you practice the opposite action, you must go against those natural impulses. That will feel counterintuitive and difficult, but it is worthwhile, so stick with it.

Ok, all is not lost, though; here are some suggestions on how to maximise the benefits and minimise the drawbacks.

How to Maximize Benefits and Minimize Drawbacks

Take it slow and start small.

Use the opposite action in a lower-stakes situation. This will help you build confidence and competence in using the skill without feeling overwhelmed.

For example, imagine you’re slightly irritated because you’re waiting in line and taking longer than you think.

Well, why not practice your half-smiling and then make some small talk with other people around you instead of getting frustrated?

What I then suggest would be to increase the situations where you apply opposite action gradually. You’re then taking a step-by-step approach, which will make practising this less daunting.

Combine it with mindfulness and self-awareness.

If you engage in daily mindfulness practice, remember that it doesn’t have to be a sit-down meditation session.

You can walk or shower mindfully, but you increase your awareness of your thoughts and emotions when you do this.

So, self-awareness is good because you need to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions to practice opposite actions when necessary.

Reach out for help or mentorship.

What are the other people on this journey doing? Thankfully, there are lots of other people who are on this journey with you. It could be other people in your DBT therapy, your therapist, a trusted confidant, or anyone.

Seek out some support and guidance. You can share experiences with them, and they’ll share experiences with you, and you’ll learn from each other.

They’ll describe different situations that they were in and whether they were able to successfully or unsuccessfully use opposite action. You can learn from that. You can find yourself in the same situation and maybe deal with it differently.

Your therapist will also be able to give you different perspectives on how to use the skill and maybe give you some other exercises to work on to try and implement the skill more in your day-to-day life.

Nice one. I think it’s about time to look at how to practice the skill.

How To Practice Opposite Action

I like lists, and I hope you do, too. (I think ready-meal instructions have conditioned me to love lists. It’s a shame I don’t love ready meals.)

So here’s a step-by-step guide on how to practice opposite action in your day-to-day. Note – I’ve mostly followed what Marsha Linehan directs in the DBT Handbook for these instructions.

• Step One: Identify and name the emotion you want to change.
  • This means you must be aware, present, and mindful of what’s happening around you.
• Step Two: Check the facts to see if your emotions are justified by the facts.
  • Also, consider whether the intensity and duration of the emotion fit the facts. For example, if someone in traffic cuts you up, irritation might fit the facts of what just happened, but road rage wouldn’t. Remember, an emotion is justified when it fits the facts.
• Step Three: Identify and then describe your urges because of the emotions.
  • What actions do you want to take because of how you feel? Remember, we’re still in the identification phase of this.
• Step Four: Ask your wise mind: Is acting on this emotion effective in this situation?
  • Effective really is the keyword here. If your emotion doesn’t fit the facts or if acting on your emotion is ineffective, proceed to step 5.
• Step Five: Identify opposite actions to your action urges.
  • So again, you’re removing yourself from the situation and making space to think about what you could do that is opposite to what you initially felt like doing.
• Step Six: Act opposite all the way to your action urges.
  • So don’t half do this. Actually, act all the way to the action urge.
• Step Seven: Repeat those opposite actions until the urges and emotions change.

Let’s examine an example emotion and use the above step-by-step guide to help us understand it better.

Fear

Fear fits the facts of a situation whenever there is a threat to your life or that of someone you care about, your health or that of someone you care about, or your well-being or that of someone you care about.

However, if the facts do not justify your fear or are not effective, this is what you can do to practice the opposite action for fear. 

• Step 1: Do what you are afraid of doing, over and over. 
• Step 2: Approach events, places, tasks, activities and people you are afraid of. 
• Step 3: Do things to give yourself control and mastery over your fears.
• Step 4: Keep your eyes and ears open and focused on the feared event. Look around slowly and explore. 
• Step 5: Take in the information from the situation, i.e. notice that you are safe. 
• Step 6: Change your posture and keep a confident tone of voice. Keep your head and eyes up and your shoulders back but relaxed. 
• Step 7: Change your body chemistry. Do some pace breathing by breathing in deeply and breathing out slowly.

Read back through steps 4 to 7.

Do you notice how they are not actions someone in fear usually takes? What will that say to your body if you take those actions?

You’ll reinforce the fact that there’s nothing to fear. This will signal to the rest of your body that everything is okay and you can calm down.

If you keep doing this repeatedly, you’ll find that whatever you fear will disappear.

You’ll convince yourself there is nothing to fear if you act oppositely.

This goes back to the point that we were making at the start of the article:

If you take the action, your mind will follow. Act positively, and start to feel positive.

So, actions can and do invoke new thoughts and emotions.

So, if you’re struggling through this process, keep doing it. Don’t give up. That’s the best advice I can give you.

To round this off and bring us to the end of the skill, let’s look over the shoulder of our friend Alex as he goes about his life. We’ll see where and how he uses Opposite Action to help him.

Opposite Action Techniques

These exercises go from easier to harder.

Exercise 1: Small – Smiling When Feeling Down

Scenario: Alex is feeling down after a tough day at work.

Opposite Action: Instead of isolating himself and dwelling on his negative emotions, Alex engages in a simple exercise: smiling.

Steps:

• Acknowledge the Feeling: Alex acknowledges feeling down and typically isolates himself.
• Choose Opposite Action: Alex consciously chooses to smile, even if it feels forced at first.
• Practice Smiling: He spends a few minutes smiling in front of the mirror or while interacting with colleagues.
• Notice the Change: Alex observes how this simple act lifts his mood slightly, reinforcing the positive effect of the opposite action.

Exercise 2: Intermediate – Engaging in Social Activities When Feeling Anxious

Scenario: Alex often feels anxious in social situations and usually avoids attending social gatherings.

Opposite Action: Alex attends a small gathering with friends instead of avoiding social events.

Steps:

• Acknowledge the Feeling: Alex acknowledges his anxiety about the social event.
• Choose Opposite Action: Alex attends the gathering instead of staying home.
• Prepare for the Event: He prepares by thinking of topics to discuss and setting a small goal, like talking to at least two people.
• Attend and Engage: Alex attends the event, engages in conversations, and pushes through his initial discomfort.
• Reflect on Experience: After the event, Alex reflects on the experience, noting that facing his anxiety head-on helped reduce its intensity.

Exercise 3: Advanced – Exercising When Feeling Angry

Scenario: Alex feels intense anger after an argument with a colleague.

Opposite Action: Instead of lashing out or stewing in his anger, Alex channels his energy into a vigorous workout.

Steps:

• Acknowledge the Feeling: Alex acknowledges his anger and the urge to react aggressively.
• Choose Opposite Action: Alex decides to go for a run or engage in a high-intensity workout instead of acting on his anger.
• Engage in Physical Activity: He starts his workout, focusing on his breathing and physical exertion.
• Channel the Energy: Alex channels his anger into his physical activity, using it as fuel to push himself harder.
• Notice the Calm: After the workout, Alex feels a release of tension and a sense of calm, demonstrating the effectiveness of opposite action in managing strong emotions.

That’s a wrap

Ok, if you’ve made it this far, well done. I hope you’ve found the article helpful.

As we started talking about 12-step programs, let’s reiterate something they say: This works if you work it, so work it; you’re worth it. Keep coming back.

What does that mean?

Opposite action is a skill that you’re not going to master overnight. It takes work and persistence, but slowly but surely, if you return to this regularly, you will get better if you stay mindful.

This skill can inject positivity into your life and even make you smarter. Now, that’s quite a nice thing.

Hopefully, through the article, you will have some tangible exercises you can work on, and I’d encourage you to develop some of your own.

Think about times when you’re regularly in a location, be it waiting in line or stuck in traffic, and take the opportunity to practice opposite action in these smaller moments in your life.

These small incremental changes can lead to a much larger positive whole in your life.

So, I’d encourage you to start on this journey straight away. Give yourself time to learn and grow, and you’ll find that you’ll get to where you need to be relatively quickly.

In the meantime, take care. Love, Sean.

To continue learning, take a look at Check The Facts, next.

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