How To Adopt Wise Mind to Increase Your Happiness: Step-By-Step

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from cavin’ in?

So says the wise Katy Perry 🙂 I’m sure you’ll agree that at times, life can feel just like that – a plastic bag floating about on the wind. It can be hard to find a balance between being rational and emotional when your emotions seem to take over regularly and they’re front and center most of the time – this is especially true if you’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (bpd).

However, there is a solution. Adopting The Wise Mind. This is a core skill that’s taught in Dialectical Behavior therapy, specifically as part of the mindfulness module – and there’s a good reason for that.

After reading this guide you will:

• Know What Wise Mind is,
• Have Step-by-step instructions on how to adopt wise mind,
• Understand how this DBT skill can help with decision making in your life,
• See how adopting Wise Mind helps make you happier, remain objective and can influence your future behavior.

What is Wise Mind?

Wise Mind is a combination of two other states of mind, known as the Reasonable Mind and the Emotion Mind and is one of the fundamental concepts in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).

What is Reasonable Mind?

The Reasonable Mind (or Rational Mind) operates on logical thinking, relying on facts and evidence to make decisions. It thinks about things logically and in a critical way and considers pros and cons to arrive at rational conclusions.

What is Emotional Mind?

The Emotion Mind is driven by pure emotion – often leading to impulsive behaviors and interpretations of various situations (does that sound familiar?). It operates on intense feelings, influencing thoughts and behaviours without considering logical reasoning – I guess we would call that being impulsive.

When you access Wise Mind, you combine the Reasonable Mind and the Emotional Mind, which allows you to get the best of both rational thinking and emotional awareness. It involves tapping into both reasoning and emotional resources to gain a more effective understanding of a situation or experience.

As Marsha M. Linehan, the creator of DBT, explains:

“Wise Mind is like a bridge between the two minds, where both logic and emotions are valued and utilized. It involves finding the sweet spot between reason and compassion, leading to a wiser perception and decision-making process.”

Reasons You Need to Know About Wise Mind

Adopting wise mind can be difficult to do by yourself – especially when your emotion mind and rational mind seem to be battling regularly.

However, it’s such a valuable skill to help manage your emotions, live effectively, and derive happiness frequently. I’ve practiced this skill numerous times and want to share some of the learnings I’ve derived as well as my process for adopting wise mind.

Here’s a list of reasons the skill is important and relevant:

Wise Mind forms a core part of Mindfulness in Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Knowing about this skill in advance will make it easier in therapy as you’ll have some insider knowledge on the difference between reasonable mind, emotional mind, and how to practice wise mind.

Practicing this skill will help you understand emotional mind

When you practice the wise mind skill, you’re essentially giving yourself the ability to tune in to your emotions with greater clarity.

This means being able to understand why you feel the way you do and, more importantly, how to handle those emotions in a way that works for you. It’s like having an emotional compass that guides you through life’s ups and downs, helping you stay on course even during tough times.

You’ll know more about reasonable mind

Think of reasonable or rational mind as your brainy rational sidekick. When you know more about the reasonable mind, you’re essentially learning to recognise when it’s time to put on your logical thinking cap.

It’s like having a trusted advisor who helps you make balanced and sensible decisions, especially when emotions are running high. Understanding this balance between emotions and logic can be a game-changer, leading to wiser choices and a more balanced approach to life’s challenges.

It is an opportunity to practice mindful breathing

View this as your daily dose of mental and emotional self-care. When you integrate mindful breathing into your wise mind practice, you’re essentially giving yourself the gift of being present in the moment.

It’s like pressing the reset button, allowing you to center yourself, find some calm, and build a stronger connection between your mind and body. This simple yet powerful practice can be your secret weapon in managing the complexities of daily life with a sense of clarity and composure

With all that being said, lets take a look at what you can actually do to adopt wise mind.

Step-By-Step Instructions to Adopt Wise Mind

Adopting wise mind is not going to be an overnight thing. Nor will it happen by just doing this once. However, if you practice this skill and ground yourself to the present moment you can gain a deep sense of happiness and well-being.

I’ve chosen these steps based on what I feel has helped me most throughout my journey and what I was taught during my own DBT sessions.

1. Ask Yourself Why You Need Wise Mind
2. Practice Wise Mind Exercises
3. Combine Wise Mind with Other Skills

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

Step 1 – Ask Yourself Why You Need Wise Mind

At the core of adopting wise mind is understanding why you need to do it. Wise Mind isn’t just a technique, it’s actually a pathway to achieving balance between your logic and your feelings.

That might seem difficult at the moment, but having the will and the reasoning behind why you want to master your feelings is crucial. Bear in mind, this is about also understanding your reasonable mind and you emotional mind – and not favouring one over the other, even if that’s your gut feeling.

Finding this balance is important because it will lead to fulfilment and happiness if you can master it.

• Reflect: Think about how you feel right now, reading this. What is your current emotional state? In general, are your feelings often based on subjective perceptions or rigid logical reasoning? Knowing your inclination helps pinpoint the need for Wise Mind. Think about moments where you’ve struggled finding the balance between emotion and rationale. Listen to yourself.
• Areas of Need: Think about areas in your life where Wise Mind could be valuable and bring about positive change. Perhaps it’s your relationships, maybe in your career, or perhaps it’s just personal challenges you face. Identifying these are give you some tangible focus to base your Wise Mind practice on.
• Visualise: Try this as a visualization exercise. Cast your mind to the future and think about what your future happiness could look like when you’ve found balance between your reasonable mind and your emotional mind. See yourself as happy gaining control over emotions yet still acknowledging them as important, understanding that it’s not effective to see both states of mind as two extremes, rather they are balanced.

Use this as the foundation of your Wise Mind practice. See it as a way of acknowledging emotion mind and reasonable mind together.

Step 2 – Practice Wise Mind Exercises

With a foundation laid, the next thing to do is to practice. We’ve heard the expression “Practice makes perfect”; I guess a more accurate way of seeing this is “Practice makes permanent” – this is what we want.

Practicing these exercises regularly will ensure they become second nature – you’ll find that adopting wise mind doesn’t take much effort as you’ll be naturally in that frame of mind because of your practice.

• Mindfulness Meditation: Start with mindfulness meditation focused on the breath.
  • Sit quietly, directing your attention to your breathing, observing each inhale and exhale.
  • Breathe in for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 2 seconds, and then exhale for 5 seconds.
  • This aim of this exercise is to ground you to the present moment.
  • It’s important because you need to be conscious of the present to acknowledge your emotion mind and your reasonable mind.
• Observing Thoughts and Emotions: Engage in exercises that involve observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
  • View your thoughts and emotions in a non-judgmental way floating down a stream. Acknowledging their presence but not getting swept away by them.
  • Try this now: Close your eyes. Slowly imagine a feeling that you either are feeling right now or have felt in the past. Once you have it clear in your mind, release it to the stream and see it slowly float away. Continue to imagine this until you feel you are in wise mind.
  • Practicing this will allow you to remain objective and help you recognise the distinction and interplay between your emotional and rational self.
• Wise Mind Imagery: Visualise a place where you feel calm, safe, and wise. It could be a real or imagined space.
  • When faced with a decision or a stressful situation, mentally transport yourself to this place. Ask yourself, “What would my Wise Mind say?“
  • Try this when you’re not stressed too. Give it a go on the bus whilst travelling from one place to another, or maybe when you’re sitting on a park bench on a nice day.
• The Wise Mind Dialogue: Regularly set aside time for a “Wise Mind dialogue”.
  • Write down or verbally express a current challenge or decision.
  • List what your Reasonable Mind says, then what your Emotional Mind says.
  • Finally, try to discern what your Wise Mind would suggest. I find asking myself ‘How would Wise Mind feel?’ works well.
  • Try shift focus from emotion mind to reasonable mind and back again. View it like a repetition exercise, just like in strength or weight training. By doing it more regularly, the better you’ll become at it.

It’s normal to find practice in this way challenging at first. Persistence is key. Remember, you’re trying to find a balanced approach between logic and emotion.

Step 3 – Combine Wise Mind with Other Skills

If you’re currently in DBT or going through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, then you’ll know there are a variety of other skills that are taught and can be used to help with your wise mind practice.

Practicing Opposite Action: Opposite action is a DBT skill that involves acting in a manner that is opposite to the emotional urge you are experiencing, especially when the urge is not effective. For example, if you are feeling like isolating yourself due to sadness, you can instead reach out to a friend or engage in a social activity.

When you do this, you’re making an active decision, you’re thinking about what to do to alleviate how you feel. You’re not just robotically looking at it from rational mind, nor are you acting on pure emotion. This is why I feel it’s useful as part of wise mind practice.

Engaging in Self-Soothe Activities: Self-soothe activities are designed to help you comfort yourself when experiencing distress. These activities can involve any sensory experiences that are soothing and calming, such as taking a warm bath, listening to relaxing music, or indulging in a comforting treat.

Again, you’re taking an active stance. You’re THINKING about how you feel and looking at your situation from more than one perspective.

Here’s a video that I think does a good job of explaining things you can do to self-soothe:

I would suggest, as you’re practicing this, to go back to The Wise Mind dialogue from above.

Utilizing PLEASE Mastery: PLEASE mastery is a set of self-care behaviors that promote physical and emotional well-being. It stands for treating Physical Illness, Balanced Eating, Avoiding Mood-Altering Substances, Balanced Sleep, and Getting Exercise.

If you feel like you can only do one or two of these at a time, that’s ok.

For me, balanced eating, and getting exercise really help. Working up a sweat and also mindfully eating ( one of my favourite mindfulness exercises) my well-prepared food grounds me and usually after I’m done I feel much better in myself.

Key Considerations for Successfully Adopting Wise Mind

Hopefully, the suggestions above are a good starting point for you. There’s many ways to adopt wise mind so don’t feel like what I’ve suggested is the only way to do it. Seeing things from a wise mind perspective is just one way of improving your happiness.

Remember that adopting wise mind is not just about rigidly following a set of instructions but about cultivating a mindset that balances your emotions with your rational thoughts. This balance will help you traverse lifes challenges and find some happiness as it can remove some of the issues that you may face.

Be patient and kind to yourself. This all takes time. It’s totally normal to encounter moments of frustration as you try to apply a new mindset. You haven’t failed until you give up. So don’t give up. Do your best to remain curious, don’t judge yourself. Explore what your patterns of emotion and thinking teach you about yourself.

Taking it to the Next Level: How To Use Wise Mind In Your Day-to-Day

You can also practice in your day to day. You don’t just have to set aside time. Actually, this is probably one of the best ways to get better at adopting wise mind.

In Work:

• When you’re in meetings or conversations, make a conscious effort to truly listen to others. Try to fully grasp their perspectives before sharing your own thoughts.

In Relationships:

• Make it a priority to communicate openly and honestly in your relationships, try to understand your emotions and others too.
• When conflicts or disagreements arise, use the principles of wise mind to guide your approach, aiming to find solutions that respect both the rational and emotional aspects of the situation.

Wrapping Up and My Experience With Wise Mind

Bear in mind that this is just one skill you can use. DBT trains us to think about so many things from different perspectives. But if you could only adopt one – then wise mind is definitely worthwhile as it helps you think from different perspectives as well as take a more balanced approach.

I love this skill because it allows me to take some time out, to stop and think, and to also use other skills that I’ve learned. Most importantly, it contributes to my happiness – and quite frankly that’s priceless.

I hope you’ve enjoyed learning a bit more about this skill – if you want to work on finding more happiness then adopting the how skill is for you.

FAQ