What is emotional regulation, and how does it help?

Emotional regulation is managing and responding to emotions healthily.

It’s about controlling your emotions and how you express and respond to them. It can be conscious or unconscious, and various mental and behavioural techniques can be used.

Emotional regulation keeps you emotionally stable to function in daily life and relationships.

It often aims to reduce the intensity of emotions so they’re more manageable.

For example, focusing on your breath when angry can calm that anger. 

It’s not about ignoring or suppressing emotions but feeling and expressing them safely for you and others.

By regulating your emotions, you can respond rather than react.

Ok, I get it. We all know what these are. But bear with me.

Emotions are internal experiences that occur in response to external or internal events. 

They are triggered when something in your environment catches your attention because it relates to your needs or goals. 

For example, you might feel happy or proud when you receive a compliment from a friend.

Emotions are designed to help you stay safe and meet your needs, contributing to your overall well-being. Even though they can sometimes be difficult or painful, these emotions have value and play a helpful role in survival.

How Many Emotions Are There?

We all experience a complex range of emotions. Psychologists have compiled extensive lists of emotions, some containing thousands of entries [3]. 

However, to simplify understanding, it’s easier to focus on six primary categories of emotions:

1. Happiness
2. Sadness
3. Anger
4. Surprise
5. Fear
6. Disgust

What Are the Different Components of an Emotion?

Experiencing an emotion involves more than just a feeling. Emotions trigger a series of interconnected changes within you. Understanding these different aspects can help you manage your emotions more effectively.

1. Feeling: This is the most noticeable part of an emotion, such as feeling happy, sad, or angry. People experience emotions differently, so these feelings can be unique to each person. For instance, you might feel nervous before giving a big speech.
2. Motivation: Emotions come with an urge to take action. The action varies depending on the person, situation, and emotion. For example, feeling nervous before a speech might make you want to avoid the situation.
3. Meaning-making: Emotions help us learn more about whatever triggered them. For example, feeling nervous before a speech might make you think you’re not good at public speaking or that the speech won’t go well.
4. Communication: Emotions trigger bodily changes that help communicate our feelings to others. Feeling nervous might cause fidgeting or a shaky voice, signalling to others that you need support.
5. Physical Sensation: Emotions trigger chemical reactions within the body, leading to bodily sensations. For example, nervousness can increase your heart rate, make you feel shaky, or cause a tight feeling in your chest.

Emotions often act as internal signals, helping us identify dangers or rewards. 

However, decisions based solely on emotions might not always lead to the best outcomes.

For instance, fear of an aggressive animal can trigger a beneficial response to run away, but fear of an important exam might lead to avoidance, worsening the situation.

Regulating strong emotions allows you to judge when to act on an emotional trigger and when not to, supporting your mental health and overall well-being.

Emotional regulation is important because it helps you manage your emotions effectively. It also leads to better communication with others, keeps you in touch with reality, and helps avoid interpretation. 

Emotional regulation teaches you to sit back and analyse a situation before reacting.

For example, it allows you to pause and collect your thoughts before responding, ensuring your reaction is measured and appropriate. 

It also means waiting until you’re in a supportive setting to process challenging feelings, helping you avoid impulsive or harmful actions.

This skill is vital for mental well-being and protecting and establishing healthy relationships. 

When honed, emotional regulation helps you:

• Feel balanced and in control: It enables you to manage your emotional reactions effectively, preventing them from overwhelming you.
• Stay calm during challenging situations: By regulating your emotions, you can maintain composure even in stressful or challenging circumstances.
• Better manage stress: Effective emotional regulation techniques can reduce stress and its impact on mental and physical health.
• Protect meaningful connections: It helps you maintain and strengthen your relationships by ensuring your emotional responses are appropriate and considerate.
• Actively listen to others’ needs: By managing your emotions, you can be more present and attentive to others, fostering empathy and understanding.
• Express your needs constructively: Emotional regulation allows you to communicate your feelings and needs clearly and effectively without resorting to negative behaviours.
• Remain professional in work situations: It ensures you can handle workplace challenges and interactions with professionalism and poise.
• Not taking things personally: This helps you interpret situations more objectively, reducing the likelihood of unnecessary emotional distress.

Emotional regulation is an indispensable tool for maintaining mental health and nurturing positive, healthy relationships in all areas of life.

We all have ways of regulating emotions, which we develop as we grow up. 

But that doesn’t mean your methods can’t be changed. 

The great thing about emotional regulation is that it’s a skill that can be learned. You can develop new and effective ways of managing your emotions at any age. 

Here are some methods you can try to build your emotional regulation skills.

Emotion Regulation Skills

Developing emotional regulation skills involves learning and practising various techniques that help you manage your emotions effectively. 

These skills can help you respond to situations in a balanced and composed manner, reducing impulsive reactions and promoting better mental health. 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers several key skills that are particularly effective for emotional regulation.

How Emotion Regulation Relates to DBT

DBT, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy, is a cognitive-behavioural therapy that teaches individuals skills to manage their emotions, improve relationships, and reduce self-destructive behaviours. 

Emotional regulation is one of the core components of DBT. 

The skills taught in DBT are designed to help individuals better understand and manage their emotions, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life. 

Three primary DBT skills that target emotional regulation are Opposite Action, ABC PLEASE, and Check the Facts.

Opposite Action

Opposite Action is a DBT skill that involves doing the opposite of what your emotions urge you to do. 

This skill is handy when your emotions do not match the facts of the situation or when acting on one’s emotions would be harmful. 

You can change your emotional state by acting contrary to your emotional impulse. 

For example, if you are feeling angry and your impulse is to lash out, the opposite action would be to engage in a calming activity or show kindness. 

This skill helps you break the cycle of negative emotions and promotes healthier emotional responses.

ABC PLEASE

ABC PLEASE is a comprehensive DBT skill that stands for Accumulating Positive Emotions, Building Mastery, Coping Ahead, Treating Physical Illness, Balancing Eating, Avoiding Mood-Altering Substances, Balancing Sleep, and Getting Exercise. 

Each component of this skill targets different aspects of emotional regulation:

• Accumulate Positive Emotions: Engaging in activities that bring joy and satisfaction helps build a reservoir of positive feelings that can buffer against negative emotions.
• Build Mastery: Developing competence in various activities boosts self-esteem and reduces vulnerability to negative emotions.
• Cope Ahead: Planning and preparing for challenging situations can reduce anxiety and improve emotional responses.
• Treat Physical Illness: Taking care of physical health reduces the impact of physical ailments on emotional well-being.
• Balance Eating: Maintaining a healthy diet supports overall mental health.
• Avoid Mood-Altering Substances: Staying away from drugs and alcohol prevents emotional dysregulation caused by substance use.
• Balance Sleep: Ensuring adequate sleep promotes emotional stability.
• Get Exercise: Regular physical activity helps regulate mood and reduce stress.

Check The Facts

Check the Facts is a DBT skill that involves examining the facts of a situation to determine whether your emotional response is justified. 

This skill helps you separate your thoughts and feelings from the actual events, allowing you to respond more rationally. 

By identifying and challenging assumptions and distorted thinking, you can adjust your emotional reactions to better suit the situation’s reality. 

For example, suppose you are anxious about a social event. In that case, checking the facts might reveal that your fears are based on assumptions rather than evidence, helping you approach the situation with a calmer mindset.

Okay, if it were easy, everyone could do it, and there’d be no point to this article. So, let’s briefly examine that next.

The way you handle emotions is often influenced by your upbringing, particularly if you experience adverse situations such as abuse, neglect, or other forms of childhood trauma.

Emotional regulation isn’t just about “learning to control yourself.” 

It involves complex biological and neurological processes, specifically within:

• The limbic system which manages your stress response (fight or flight) [1].
• The prefrontal cortex, which aids in making rational decisions [2].

When a child’s emotions are not responded to, validated, or explained by a caregiver, these two brain regions do not learn to communicate effectively. 

This lack of communication can make emotional information overwhelming into adulthood, leading to emotional dysregulation.

Mental Health Conditions and Emotional Regulation

Several mental health conditions listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5) [4], include emotional dysregulation as a potential symptom. Some of these conditions are:

• Anxiety disorder
• Bipolar disorder
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Complex trauma
• Depression
• Intermittent explosive disorder (IED)
• Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Emotional regulation is particularly challenging for individuals with these conditions, as their emotional responses can be intense and difficult to manage. 

Okay, so to round this out, let’s examine signs of emotional dysregulation. You might spot these in yourself and others. 

I’m mentioning these here so you or someone you know can reach out for help.

Challenges in emotional regulation occur when your reactions are often out of proportion or socially inappropriate.

Signs that you might be struggling with emotional regulation include:

• Abrupt mood changes
• Binge eating
• Crying spells
• Emotional outbursts
• Constant interpersonal conflict
• Aggression or violent outbursts
• Self-harm
• Substance abuse
• Low frustration tolerance

Examples of Emotional Dysregulation

• Yelling at a grocery clerk for giving the wrong change
• Drinking excessively to calm nerves before a work conference
• Storming out of a dinner date when your partner glances at someone else
• Chasing a car that cuts you off in traffic (road rage)
• Considering self-harm when your spouse works late
• Cutting off a friend who expresses a different opinion
• Crying when frustrated with a task you couldn’t complete

Recognizing these signs can help you identify areas where emotional regulation skills are needed.

Wrapping It Up

If you focus on learning emotional regulation, ultimately, you’ll find yourself happier. 

Also, you’ll be easier to be around and have fewer arguments with people. 

The skills I’ve listed above, Check the Facts, Opposite Action and ABC Please, are all part of dialectical behaviour therapy. 

Specifically, that helps people with borderline personality disorder learn to look at life from different perspectives and also accept who they are as people. 

Even if you don’t suffer from BPD, you’ll find that being aware of emotion regulation and the skills that are included in it are valuable for having a happy, fulfilling and content life.