Okay, I lied – there I said it.
There aren’t 35+ ways to self-soothe. There’s actually a whole bunch more!
Today, I’m going to discuss how you can use your beautiful, wonderful senses to help you cope with difficult, stressful, anxiety-inducing, emotional distress (can I make it any more dramatic!?) and make it just that little bit better.
We’ll examine DOZENS of self-soothing techniques and strategies, and I’ll provide AWESOME ideas on how to maximize each one.
So take a deep breath, suck in all those beautiful smells, taste the experience as it comes your way, and open your eyes to tolerating difficult situations.
Put on your big boy pants, tighten your belt and GET READY TO RUMBLE!
Table of Contents
What is self-soothing?
Self soothing is calming yourself down either during or after a difficult emotional situation [1].
You use self-soothing techniques or activities that bring you peace, comfort and emotional regulation.
Usually, when you self-soothe you engage your senses: touch, taste, sight, sound and smell.
This benefits you because it helps you to stop and think about how you’re feeling. You’re mindful and aware of your emotions and feelings as well as your surroundings.
You’re taking part in activities that are helping to ground you in the present moment. And rather than looking to other people or your environment to soothe you, you learn ways to look after yourself.
This is empowering and helpful because it leaves you in control and helps you lead a more effective life.
Self-Soothing in DBT
The self-soothe skill in DBT is part of the Distress Tolerance module.
It teaches you how to manage your response to stress and how to relieve your emotional pain more effectively.
Self-soothing teaches you to find healthy ways to comfort yourself instead of returning to negative and harmful behaviours.
So instead of eating a gallon of ice cream, you give yourself a hug or you rub your head on something fluffy. Now, isn’t that a lovely idea?
Why you NEED to practice self-soothing
Learning how to self-soothe can be difficult, so I want to share what I’ve learned.
I’ve been through DBT and was diagnosed as borderline [2] in 2018 so I’ve lived with this for a number of years.
Practising these self soothing behaviors regularly helps me MASSIVELY. I’m more in touch with myself, I’m in control and I’m more pleasant to be around for other people as well.
Here’s a list of the five reasons I feel it’s SUPER important:
It improves your emotional regulation. It helps you to manage intense emotions without becoming overwhelmed. This means you can make better decisions and find emotional balance.
Self-soothing reduces dependency on others. You don’t have to rely on other sources for comfort. When you learn how to self-soothe, you can take control of your own emotional well-being.
Improve coping mechanisms. When you learn to self-soothe, you strengthen your overall coping skills so you can handle the difficulties and challenges that you face in life’s day-to-day.
Get along better with everyone. If you’re anything like me, your emotions make relationships tough. By self-soothing, you better manage your emotions and communicate more effectively (and there’s less broken stuff around your house!)
Self-soothing supports mental health. Regularly practising self-soothing contributes to my overall mental health and well-being. When I practise self-soothing, I don’t feel as anxious or depressed and don’t feel like the world is falling on top of me. I feel calm when I practice this skill (inner zen, anyone!?)
How self-soothing eliminates stress
I told you that self-soothing helps eliminate stress, and I wasn’t lying.
When you’re stressed, your sympathetic nervous system activates. That’s a fancy way of saying your fight-or-flight response. I know you know about that!
When you self-soothe, you engage the parasympathetic nervous system. This is the part of your body that’s responsible for chilling out and for digestion.
When that part of your body is engaged it actually helps calm you down and reduce your stress levels.
So think of self-soothing as physically reining your nervous system so that it doesn’t run away with thoughts and ideas that can cause even more stress.
Like Santa with the reindeer. Jingle all the way – ho ho ho and all that malarky.
Okay, so what about anxiety?
Ah – anxiety – I’m glad you asked!
When you feel anxious, it involves a persistent worry, doesn’t it?
So when you engage your senses, you don’t focus on those thoughts. Instead, you can focus your attention on things that calm you down and give you a holiday from the anxiety you’re feeling.
Think of it like going to The Canaries for a week and chilling by the pool. Just don’t forget to put your towel on the lounger at 6 AM so the Germans don’t beat you to it!
Alrighty, that’s cool. What’s next?
Well, now I’m going to explain how you can engage each sense in MARVELLOUS ways to self-soothe. Oh, goody. On to some self-soothing behaviors.
Step-by-Step: How to Practice Self-Soothing Using Your Senses
Okay, the best way to practice this is by using your five senses.
So, I’m going to give you self-soothing techniques and exercises that involve looking, sniffing, touching, and so on, which will calm you down. Scratch and sniff it!
Feel free to do a combination of looking at something and maybe touching something or breathing a scent in while looking at something.
I find combining one or more of these self-soothing methods helps ground me more effectively. But at the same time, if you can only manage one, just do one. Whatever makes you feel better, it’s up to you.
It’s time to just reduce stress and negative emotions
Use your EYES:
Get down with Nature:
Go for a leisurely walk in a nice park or a pretty part of town. Slow down and focus your attention on your surroundings.
If you’re lucky enough to have a garden, you can relax in the serenity and observe different plants, flowers, and insects.
Release your inner Leonardo:
Go to a museum and stroke your beard at how amazing each piece of art is.
Flick through a book that has amazing scenery or beautiful art. Imagine yourself in the place and time that’s being depicted.
Immerse yourself in a travel movie or video. Explore the new cultures and landscapes right from your sofa.
Light, Stars and Colours:
Light a candle and see how the flame dances. Try and find the different variations in colour and the way the flame moves.
Go stargazing! Wait till night, look up and see how many stars you can count.
Focus on one object close to you and really think about its texture and colour. Note how intricate its details are.
Find a connection:
Place a flower where you’ll see it often. Appreciate its beauty and allow it to remind you of the simple things in life.
Go sit outside and practice mindfulness. Observe your surroundings and appreciate the interplay of light, shadow, and colour. (Ooh, fancy words.)
Take your phone out and flip back through some of your favourite photos. Relive the happy memories and feelings.
Mindfully Explore:
Count all the instances of one colour in the room you’re in right now.
Go on a hike. Take in all the different colours and sounds, flowers, and plants.
Use your EARS:
Nature Sounds:
Listen out for sounds that are being made outside. Rustling of leaves, waves of the ocean. It doesn’t actually have to be outside if you can’t get there. Maybe make a mixtape of these different soundtracks.
Take in the ambient sounds around you outside. Birds chirping, winds blowing, even road noise.
Crank it up and rock out:
Turn on some beautiful or soothing music and have it fill your whole space. Select tunes that calm you down and lift your spirits.
Save a few playlists from Spotify, YouTube or anything else that will help soothe you in the moment.
If you’re lucky enough to play an instrument, play it. Or listen attentively to other people play.
Sing or hum a melody that you love. Feel all the vibrations and the rhythm.
Mindfully Listen:
Carve time out to just mindfully listen. Close your eyes and let all the different sounds come and go without judging them.
Turn on a podcast. Listen to the stories and information fully. Really focus on what’s being said.
Tune in to everyday sounds, like someone chopping wood or the high-pitched frequency that’s always in your ears. Don’t attach stories or emotions to the sounds; just listen. (What’s with that sound in your ears though).
Build sound into your dailies:
Enhance your everyday activities with sound. Listen to music when you’re exercising or calming melodies when you’re chilling out.
Notice all the sounds that people make around you—talking, laughing, and living. Focus on the sounds, not the words. Let them be the background music to what you’re doing.
Crank the volume up of your favourite song and really be surrounded by the music.
Get connected with sound:
Learn to play an instrument, it will engage your mind and also give you a way to self soothe your emotions and feelings.
Practice closing your eyes and being mindful of the present sounds. It could be the hustle and bustle of traffic or even the quiet in your environment.
Use your NOSE:
Sniff around you:
Take in the scent and smell around your home if that’s where you’re at. Maybe you’ve just cooked breakfast. What can you smell? Maybe you’re in a restaurant or cafe. What is it you smell here?
Take a nice walk through a garden or the woods. Smell for the earthy and fresh scents of nature. If it’s been raining does it smell any different?
Bake something. Take in the warm comforting smells that fill the kitchen. (MMM COOKIES)
Aromatherapy:
Light some incense or a scented candle to fill your home or your space with soothing smells.
Put some essential oils on your wrists, breathe them in deeply and enjoy the scent’s calming effects. I love Lemon Balm for this one.
Put a cotton ball in a Ziploc bag and keep it with you. Douse the cotton ball in your essential oil. Take a sniff when you’re feeling stressed.
Invite the smells IN:
Open your windows and invite the fresh air in. Take deep breaths to clear your mind with the outdoor freshness.
Even if there aren’t pleasant scents around you, practice identifying them without judgment.
Seek out familiar and comforting scents, such as the smell of freshly cut wood or grass, and allow them to bring you to a place of calm and peace.
Use your MOUTH – basically, just eat stuff:
Eat Mindfully:
Go on, treat yourself, you’re allowed. Have a special snack or dessert. Just eat it slowly, savour each bite and try and pick out the flavours and textures.
Prepare and cook your favourite meal, really get involved in the process and mindfully enjoy the results. Let the taste linger and really dig into them.
Drink Mindfully:
Take a sip of a drink like herbal tea or hot chocolate. Allow the warmth and flavour to chill you out as they move through your mouth and down your throat. Why not combine them and make a SPECIAL drink (maybe don’t mix fish sauce with chamomile tea though)
Take a bite of an orange or a lemon, something bitter or tart. Focus on the sensation and how it wakes your taste buds up. Wowsers.
Use your HANDS (or anything else that can feel!):
Look after yourself:
Take a long hot bath or shower. Fill it with bubbles. I bet you feel calmer afterwards.
Put lotion on your skin. Really take your time to massage it into your skin and feel how smooth it is.
Cosy Comforts for that self-soothing physical touch:
Get wrapped up in a heated blanket or snuggle up under a soft cosy blanket and feel the warmth and comfort. It’s a great way to feel safe.
It’s time to break out the sweatpants. Wear something really comfortable that’s gentle and soft against your skin. Slob alert.
Throw yourself onto a bed or a couch layered with soft cushions. Feel supported and chill out.
Comfort from others:
If you have a dog or a cat, pet them. Hug them if they’ll let you. Go pet the neighbour’s dog if they’ll allow it. This is one of my favourites. (But maybe not the neighbours.)
This one sounds weird but give yourself a hug or get a mutual hug with someone else. Just feel the warmth and reassurance that comes from embracing someone physically.
Sense of Touch:
Drink a warm cup of tea or coffee. Focus on the warmth that’s spreading from the mug to your hands. Just don’t burn yourself.
Grab a hold of something squishy and squeeze it or maybe run your fingers through your hair and note the sensations
Give yourself a little massage or use a massage gun. Focus on relieving the tension.
Okay, there are a few ideas about what you can do using just your senses, but in reality, there are other things that you can do.
I’ve listed some of my favourites below. Have these as a backup to your arsenal of techniques, activities and exercises to help you self-soothe.
Movement
Dancing: Turn on your favourite music and allow yourself to move freely to the rhythm.
Stretching: Engage in gentle stretching exercises to relieve muscle tension and enhance bodily awareness.
Walking: Go for a leisurely walk, focusing on the rhythm of your steps and the sensation of moving through space.
Yoga: Practice yoga poses or sequences to connect with your body and breathe mindfully.
Creative Expression
Drawing or Painting: Express your feelings and thoughts through colours and shapes on paper or canvas.
Writing: Journal your thoughts and emotions, write poetry, or pen letters to express and understand your feelings.
Crafting: Knitting, crocheting, or other craft activities can be productive and soothing ways to occupy your hands and mind.
Connection
Talking to a Friend: Reach out to a trusted friend to share your feelings and receive support.
Nature Engagement
Gardening: Spend time tending to indoor or outdoor plants to connect with nature and nurture life.
Birdwatching: Take time to observe birds in your local area, focusing on their movements and sounds.
Mindful Learning
Reading Mindfully: Read a book or article with full attention, absorbing the words and underlying messages.
Key Ways to Master this Skill
My main advice is to take your time and practice this as and when you can.
Practising self-soothing has been proven to be effective in helping you tolerate stressful situations, lessen anxiety, and reduce stress [3].
That being said, it may or may not work for you, but you’ll only know if you practice it.
So just try to work it into your daily life. Don’t rush, don’t judge yourself, just be kind.
This skill is about being nice to yourself. You are worth it, even if you don’t feel like it.
You don’t have to punish yourself by not self-soothing. It’s okay to do this. It’s allowed. I give you permission.
Take it to the next level
If you want to supercharge this practice I recommend including not just the parts that utilise your senses.
Trying some of the other activities, like nature engagement or creative expression, is a great way to really delve into utilising this skill properly.
You’ll find there’s an added bonus when you double down on or get a lot deeper into these other types of activities because they engage other parts of your brain and body, your senses and so on.
Wrapping Up and My Experience with Self-Soothing
So there you have it. There are many ways to practice this skill, such as taking some time out to do it specifically and doing it in your day-to-day routine.
I find that when I mix and match this way, I get the most out of it.
Honestly, this is a really beneficial skill to incorporate in your practice and I’d highly recommend going back over some of the exercises and skills you might have covered in DBT if you’ve done that.
If this is the first time you’ve read about self-soothing, please go back over this post for ideas or take a look at the JUMBO list I created.
Like I said, I find it really valuable because it just helps keep me mindful of what I’m doing where I am and in control of the situation that I’m in.
References
1 – https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/self-soothing.html
2 – https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9762-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd
3- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666497621000655
FAQ
Why is self-soothing important?
It helps reduce stress, lessen anxiety, and control your emotions.
What’s the difference between self-care and self-soothing?
Self-care refers to the deliberate actions you take to care for your physical, mental, and emotional health. It’s about the overall maintenance of your well-being and encompasses a broad range of activities that promote long-term health and prevent burnout.
Self-soothing, on the other hand, refers to specific techniques used to manage and relieve acute emotional distress or anxiety in the moment. These techniques are often sensory-driven and designed to calm the nervous system and alleviate feelings of stress or upset. Self-soothing strategies are typically more immediate and short-term compared to self-care practices.
Does Self-Soothing Work?
It absolutely does work. Self-soothing is a handy way of chilling out, calming down, and engaging in nice activities.
When Should I Self-Soothe?
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by emotions like sadness and anxiety, it’s a good time to practice self-soothing.
