I want you to take a moment and think back to the most recent time that you struggled with the situation that you were in – from a mental health perspective.
You didn’t know what to do, you felt overwhelmed, and your anxiety got the better of you. Or substitute whatever other feeling or negative emotion you want here.
I’m sure you were wondering what I could have done differently after that moment passed.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a skill that helps us go through a set of steps to help us tolerate the situation and manage our emotions more effectively?
Well, I have just the skill for you. It’s called The ACCEPTS Skill. It’s part of the Distress Tolerance skills in DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), and it helps you do just that.
So today, I will help you understand the skill, what each part of the acronym means, and ways you can use it today.
So get ready and buckle up.
Table of Contents
What is the ACCEPTS Skill?
The ACCEPTS skill is part of the distress tolerance skills in DBT. It helps you cope with challenging situations that might get the better of you by distracting you with activities to allow the intensity of your emotions to fade away.
What does ACCEPTS stand for?
If you’re familiar with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), you’ll know it’s full of acronyms. Who doesn’t love an acronym!?
- A – distract with ACTIVITIES
- C – distract with CONTRIBUTING
- C – distract with COMPARISONS
- E – distract with different EMOTIONS
- P – distract with PUSHING AWAY
- T – distract with other THOUGHTS
- S – distract with other SENSATIONS
Seven-in-one? Ooh baby!
So, each of these is a set of exercises you can do to improve your situation & your mental health and relieve emotional distress.
I recommend you review them individually until you feel better, feel a reduction in your emotional pain, and can tolerate the situation.
Don’t feel you must strictly adhere to all parts of the skill; do what you need, whatever your situation.
Remember: We use this skill (and most of the other DBT skills) when we’re feeling challenging and intense emotions and trying to tolerate a difficult situation you’re in.
We use ACCEPTS to remain centred and be in the moment rather than trying to escape it, acting out, or behaving in a way we might regret later.
So, if you’re ready, come with me. I’ll explain what each letter of this DBT skill means.
Step-by-Step Instructions to BOSS the ACCEPTS Skill
Knowing each letter’s meaning is important for mastering the ACCEPTS skill, so let’s start there!
Distract with ACTIVITIES
Distracting yourself with activities is one of the most fun ways of practising and using this dbt skill when tolerating tricky situations to help with emotion regulation.
Here’s a list of activities that you can try:
- Focus on only one thing you are going to do wholly and completely.
- Watch a movie on Netflix.
- Clean one room in your home.
- Find events to go to.
- Play games with your cellphone or computer.
- Run a long distance.
- Browse the web or write some emails.
- Play, do sports.
Distract with CONTRIBUTING
Research shows that people who volunteer for a worthy cause are happier [1] and that it improves their mental health.
Now, the reasons for this are vast, but for our purposes, when you distract yourself and are busy helping other people, you have less time to think about what you’re going through and the pain that you might be in.
Plus, at the end of the day, when you’ve finished helping other people, you can give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of your hard work.
And if you don’t do that, I’ll say it for you now: well done!
So here are some other ways that you can contribute:
- Find volunteer work.
- Help a friend or family member.
- Make nice surprises for someone.
- Give away what you no longer need.
- Give someone a call or text with some words of encouragement or just to say ‘Hi.’
Distract with COMPARISONS
Usually, I would say not to compare yourself to anyone else, but this type of comparison is suitable because it helps you reflect on maybe what you do or don’t have.
And again, it’s to distract you from a challenging situation that you might be in.
So when you’re comparing, it might be something big or small.
For instance, it could be having electricity in your house or having indoor plumbing.
You may live in a nice part of town or an area that isn’t prone to natural disasters.
Remember, even when your situation seems awful, it could always be worse.
And for sure, it could be better as well.
But for the moment, it is what it is.
And remember, it will pass. So here are some other things that you can compare with:
- Compare what you feel now and a situation in which you felt differently at some other time.
- Think of others coping the same as you or worse than you.
- Compare yourself to those less fortunate.
- Watch people’s suffering on reality shows.
- Read about disasters and the sufferings of others.
- Consider all the other people around you and that they, too, have problems.
Distract with different EMOTIONS
It can be a powerful tool when we distract ourselves with different emotions.
This part of the skill actually ties in with practising opposite emotions, which, in effect, is a way of being dialectical: feeling one way or thinking about one thing but acting completely oppositely.
When you distract yourself with different emotions, you remind yourself that all your emotional states are temporary.
Any intense feeling, be it pain, sadness, joy, or happiness, will pass. Emotions come and go.
So, by distracting yourself with different emotions, you’re reminding yourself of this.
So, to go a little bit deeper, because it might be challenging to switch emotions in the moment, here are some suggestions as to what you could do that could invoke different emotions:
- Reading emotional books, stories, or old letters can help.
- Watch tearjerker TV shows.
- Go watch emotional movies.
- Listen to emotional music.
- Enjoy scary films.
- Read a joke book.
Distract with PUSHING AWAY
Pushing away is a visualisation technique that helps you push away different uncomfortable emotions.
For example, if you feel you have little or no power, push that image away by imagining yourself being strong.
If you feel anger towards someone, use pushing away to imagine that person shrinking slowly and eventually shrinking away. #minime
Remember, though, to try not to deny your current emotional experience. This is just a way of gaining some control over these feelings.
You want to change the intensity to reach a better emotional state so that you can process them more effectively.
Here are some other tips or ways to try this:
- Push the situation away, step away for a short time.
- Mentally leave the situation.
- Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation.
- Block thoughts and images from the mind.
- Notice your rumination and say ‘no.’ to yourself.
- Refuse to think about the bitter situations.
- Take the pain, put it up on a shelf, box it up—put it away for a while.
- Refuse the problem for just a minute.
Just remember, though, don’t deny it and forget completely. You’re just temporarily pushing it away until you’re more in control and can process what’s happening.
Distract with other THOUGHTS
Have you ever noticed that when you’re really busy and entirely focused on something, very little distracts you from that? This is the point of this part of the skill.
Do something that will fully immerse you and take all of your mental capacity.
Try your ABCs backwards or count all the prime numbers between 1 and 100.
Something that will take all of your cognitive functions and engage them fully.
Here are some other tips to help shift out of the emotional state with your thoughts:
- Count to 30.
- Count colors in a picture or poster.
- Count everything.
- Repeat song lyrics to yourself in your head.
- Do some puzzle work.
- Watch some TV, or read a book.
Distract with other SENSATIONS
Finally, we have SENSATIONS.
Sensations will help provide a temporary distraction. I want the power of physical sensations to help you.
So here are some ideas that are my favourites:
- Firmly squeeze a rubber ball.
- Play music at a high volume.
- Hold ice in your hand or place it in your mouth.
- Stand outside in the rain or snow.
- Take a very hot or freezing shower.
- Taste something extraordinarily bitter or sour.
- Wash your hands with ice-cold water.
Okay, so that’s the overview of this skill.
Wrapping Up and My Experience With the ACCEPTS Skill
There you have it. I hope you’ve found this helpful and valuable.
As I said before, practice makes perfect.
You can revisit this skill repeatedly, but it’s best to practice it when you’re not distressed or dealing with difficult emotions.
This stuff works if you work it.
So, please give it a go.
Love,
Sean
I recommend you take a look at the Improve the Moment skill or Radical Acceptance next.
References
[1] – https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/3-health-benefits-of-volunteering
