General Instructions for Therapists
As you guide clients through the “Dialectics” activities, the goal is to help them practice seeing both sides of a situation, balancing opposing viewpoints, and accepting contradictions. These exercises will focus on recognizing that two seemingly contradictory things can both be true, and learning to move away from black-and-white thinking.
General Instructions for Clients
Today’s activities focus on practicing the “Dialectics” skill. The goal is to learn how to see both sides of a situation and accept that two things can be true at the same time. These exercises will guide you through different ways to apply dialectical thinking, helping you find balance and resolve conflicts in a healthier way.
Table of Contents
What is the Dialectics Skill in DBT?
The Dialectics skill in DBT focuses on the idea that life is full of contradictions, and often two opposing truths can coexist. Instead of getting stuck in black-and-white thinking, dialectical thinking helps you find a middle path by accepting and balancing both sides of a situation. This skill allows you to look at problems from different perspectives and move toward solutions that include all sides.
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15 Dialectics Activities
Activity 1: Balancing Acceptance and Change
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice balancing acceptance of a situation with the desire for change. By exploring both sides, clients can learn to accept the present reality while still working toward positive change.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on balancing acceptance and change. The goal is to explore how you can accept the current situation while also working toward improvement.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a current problem they’re facing and reflect on how they feel about it. Clients are encouraged to think about how they can accept the situation while also identifying areas where they want to see change.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a problem you’re dealing with right now. Now, practice exploring how you can accept the situation as it is, without judgment, while also recognizing areas where you’d like to make changes. Focus on balancing acceptance with the desire for improvement.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to hold both acceptance and change at the same time. The therapist encourages them to focus on acknowledging the present reality while also setting realistic goals for change.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing balancing acceptance and change. Did focusing on both sides help them feel more at peace with the situation?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to balance acceptance and change? Did this practice help you feel more comfortable accepting the present while also working toward improvement?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how balancing acceptance and change can help you approach problems more effectively. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you manage difficult situations in a healthier way?”
Activity 2: Finding the Middle Path in Conflict
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice finding the middle path in conflict by considering both their perspective and the other person’s perspective. The focus is on finding balance between opposing viewpoints.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on finding the middle path in conflict. The goal is to practice seeing both sides of a disagreement and finding a solution that includes both perspectives.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a recent conflict or disagreement they had with someone. Clients are encouraged to reflect on both their own viewpoint and the other person’s.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a disagreement you had with someone. Now, practice finding the middle path by recognizing both your viewpoint and the other person’s. Focus on seeing the truth in both perspectives and finding a solution that balances both sides.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to hold both perspectives in mind and work toward a middle path. The therapist encourages them to find common ground that respects both sides.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing finding the middle path in conflict. Did seeing both sides help them feel more open to compromise?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to find the middle path in a disagreement? Did this practice help you feel more balanced and open to different perspectives?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how finding the middle path can help you manage conflict more effectively. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you resolve disagreements in a healthier and more balanced way?”
Activity 3: Recognizing the Both-And Perspective
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice the “both-and” perspective, where they recognize that two opposing truths can exist at the same time. By embracing contradictions, clients can reduce black-and-white thinking.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on recognizing the ‘both-and’ perspective. The goal is to accept that two opposing truths can coexist.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a situation where they struggled with conflicting feelings or beliefs. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how both feelings or beliefs could be valid.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you felt two opposing things at once, like wanting to stay home but also wanting to go out. Now, practice how both feelings can be true at the same time. Focus on embracing the contradiction and accepting that it’s okay to hold both truths.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to recognize the “both-and” perspective. The therapist encourages them to accept contradictions and move away from black-and-white thinking.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing the “both-and” perspective. Did recognizing that two truths can coexist help them feel more accepting of their conflicting feelings?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to recognize the ‘both-and’ perspective? Did this practice help you feel more at peace with conflicting feelings or beliefs?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how embracing the “both-and” perspective can help you handle complex emotions or situations. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you feel more balanced and accepting of life’s contradictions?”
Activity 4: Letting Go of Extremes
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice letting go of extreme thinking by recognizing when they’re stuck in all-or-nothing thoughts. By embracing dialectical thinking, clients can learn to find balance.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on letting go of extreme thinking. The goal is to recognize when you’re stuck in all-or-nothing thoughts and practice finding a middle ground.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a recent time when they had extreme thoughts, such as “everything is going wrong” or “nothing ever works out.” Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they could have found balance in that moment.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you were stuck in all-or-nothing thinking. Now, practice letting go of those extremes by recognizing that the truth often lies in the middle. Focus on finding the middle ground between the extremes.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to let go of extremes in their thinking. The therapist encourages them to focus on finding a more balanced and realistic perspective.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing letting go of extremes. Did focusing on the middle ground help them feel less overwhelmed?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to let go of extreme thinking? Did this practice help you feel more balanced and less stuck in all-or-nothing thoughts?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how letting go of extremes can help you feel more centered and realistic. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you move away from black-and-white thinking?”
Activity 5: Practicing Dialectical Thinking in Relationships
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice using dialectical thinking in relationships by balancing their needs with the other person’s needs. The focus is on finding ways to meet both sets of needs without leaning toward one extreme.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on practicing dialectical thinking in relationships. The goal is to balance your needs with the other person’s needs.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a relationship where they’ve struggled to balance their own needs with the other person’s. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can meet both sets of needs without sacrificing one for the other.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a relationship where you’ve struggled to balance your needs with the other person’s. Now, practice using dialectical thinking to find a way to meet both sets of needs. Focus on seeing both perspectives and finding a solution that respects both.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to balance their needs with someone else’s. The therapist encourages them to focus on recognizing both perspectives and finding a compromise that works for both parties.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing balancing needs in a relationship. Did focusing on both sides help them feel more connected and respectful of the other person’s needs?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to balance your needs with someone else’s? Did this practice help you find a solution that worked for both of you?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how balancing needs in relationships can help you maintain healthier and more balanced connections. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you improve your relationships by respecting both your needs and the other person’s?”
Activity 6: Embracing Uncertainty and Change
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice embracing uncertainty and accepting that change is a natural part of life. By recognizing that not everything is certain or predictable, clients can learn to tolerate discomfort and avoid rigid thinking.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on embracing uncertainty and change. The goal is to practice accepting that life is full of change and uncertainty, and this is okay.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a situation where they felt stressed or uncomfortable because of uncertainty or unexpected changes. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can accept and adapt to the situation without becoming overwhelmed.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when uncertainty or change made you feel uncomfortable. Now, practice how you could embrace that uncertainty by recognizing that change is a part of life. Focus on accepting the situation as it is, without needing everything to be certain or controlled.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to embrace uncertainty and change. The therapist encourages them to focus on letting go of the need for certainty and being open to the unknown.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing embracing uncertainty. Did focusing on accepting change help them feel more at peace with the situation?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to embrace uncertainty and change? Did this practice help you feel more flexible and less anxious about the unknown?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how embracing uncertainty can help you cope with life’s unpredictability. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you feel more open and less stressed when facing change?”
Activity 7: Practicing Tolerance for Contradictions
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice tolerating contradictions, where two conflicting truths or feelings can exist simultaneously. By accepting that contradictions are part of life, clients can reduce inner conflict and stress.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on practicing tolerance for contradictions. The goal is to recognize that two conflicting truths or feelings can coexist.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a situation where they felt conflicted, such as wanting something but also fearing it. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how both feelings can exist together without needing to resolve the conflict immediately.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you felt conflicted—like wanting something but also being afraid of it. Now, practice tolerating those contradictions by recognizing that both feelings are valid and can coexist. Focus on accepting the contradiction without needing to choose one feeling over the other.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to tolerate contradictions in their feelings or thoughts. The therapist encourages them to focus on holding both truths without trying to resolve the tension between them.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing tolerance for contradictions. Did accepting both feelings help them feel more at peace with their inner conflict?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to tolerate contradictions in your feelings or thoughts? Did this practice help you feel less stressed about the conflict?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how tolerating contradictions can help you manage inner conflict more effectively. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you handle complex emotions without needing immediate resolution?”
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Activity 8: Finding Synthesis in Conflicting Desires
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice finding synthesis between conflicting desires or goals. By recognizing that both desires can coexist, clients can find a way to meet both needs in a balanced manner.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on finding synthesis in conflicting desires. The goal is to practice finding a way to meet both needs in a balanced way.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a situation where they felt pulled in two directions, such as wanting to relax but also wanting to accomplish tasks. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can balance both desires instead of choosing one over the other.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you felt torn between two desires—like wanting to relax but also feeling the need to be productive. Now, practice finding a way to meet both needs by recognizing that they can coexist. Focus on balancing both desires in a way that respects each need.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to find synthesis between their conflicting desires. The therapist encourages them to focus on how they can create a balanced approach that honors both goals.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing finding synthesis between conflicting desires. Did recognizing both needs help them feel more balanced and less conflicted?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to find synthesis in your conflicting desires? Did this practice help you feel more at ease with meeting both needs?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how finding synthesis can help you feel more balanced and less torn between competing goals. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you manage competing desires in a healthier way?”
Activity 9: Moving Away from Either/Or Thinking
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice moving away from either/or thinking by recognizing that life is not always black and white. By finding the gray areas, clients can reduce stress and find more flexible solutions to their problems.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on moving away from either/or thinking. The goal is to recognize that life is full of gray areas, not just black and white.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a time when they felt stuck in either/or thinking, such as believing they could either succeed or fail, with no middle ground. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can find the gray areas and explore more flexible solutions.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you felt stuck in either/or thinking—like believing you could either succeed or fail, with nothing in between. Now, practice finding the gray area by recognizing that life is rarely that extreme. Focus on exploring more flexible and balanced solutions.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to move away from either/or thinking. The therapist encourages them to focus on finding the gray areas and considering more nuanced possibilities.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing moving away from either/or thinking. Did finding the gray areas help them feel more flexible and less stuck in extreme thoughts?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to move away from either/or thinking? Did this practice help you feel more open to different possibilities?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how moving away from either/or thinking can help you feel less restricted and more flexible in problem-solving. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you find more balanced and realistic solutions to challenges?”
Activity 10: Accepting the Paradoxes of Life
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice accepting the paradoxes of life, where two opposing things can be true at the same time. By embracing life’s contradictions, clients can reduce frustration and increase tolerance for complexity.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on accepting the paradoxes of life. The goal is to practice recognizing that life is full of contradictions, and that’s okay.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a time when they struggled to accept a paradox, such as wanting independence while also craving connection. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can embrace these contradictions instead of trying to resolve them.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you struggled to accept a paradox—like wanting independence but also wanting connection. Now, practice how you can embrace that paradox by recognizing that both desires are valid. Focus on accepting the contradictions without needing to resolve them.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to accept life’s paradoxes. The therapist encourages them to focus on holding both desires or truths without trying to eliminate the contradiction.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing accepting paradoxes. Did embracing the contradiction help them feel less frustrated and more at peace?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to accept a paradox in your life? Did this practice help you feel more accepting of life’s complexity?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how accepting paradoxes can help you manage complex feelings and situations. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you feel more at ease with life’s contradictions?”
Activity 11: Practicing Radical Acceptance of Conflicting Emotions
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice radical acceptance of conflicting emotions, recognizing that it’s okay to feel two different things at the same time. By accepting both emotions, clients can reduce inner tension and avoid pushing one feeling away.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on practicing radical acceptance of conflicting emotions. The goal is to accept that it’s okay to feel two different emotions at the same time.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a time when they felt two conflicting emotions, such as feeling happy and sad simultaneously. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can accept both emotions without judgment.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you felt two conflicting emotions—like feeling happy for a friend’s success but also sad about your own situation. Now, practice how you can radically accept both emotions by recognizing that it’s okay to feel both. Focus on accepting both emotions without judging them or trying to push one away.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing radical acceptance of conflicting emotions. The therapist encourages them to focus on allowing both feelings to coexist without trying to resolve or get rid of one of them.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing radical acceptance of conflicting emotions. Did accepting both feelings help them feel less conflicted and more at peace?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to accept two conflicting emotions? Did this practice help you feel more accepting of your emotional experience?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how accepting conflicting emotions can help you feel more balanced. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing radical acceptance of your emotions help you reduce inner tension and avoid emotional avoidance?”
Activity 12: Recognizing the Dialectical Nature of Self-Compassion
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients recognize the dialectical nature of self-compassion, where they can be kind to themselves while still holding themselves accountable. By balancing self-compassion with personal responsibility, clients can develop a healthier relationship with themselves.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on recognizing the dialectical nature of self-compassion. The goal is to practice being kind to yourself while still holding yourself accountable.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a time when they struggled with self-compassion, either being too hard on themselves or letting themselves off the hook. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can balance self-kindness with personal responsibility.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you struggled with self-compassion—either being too critical or too lenient with yourself. Now, practice how you can be kind to yourself while also holding yourself accountable. Focus on balancing self-compassion with responsibility.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing the balance between self-compassion and accountability. The therapist encourages them to focus on being kind and understanding toward themselves, while also taking responsibility for their actions.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing self-compassion in a dialectical way. Did balancing kindness and accountability help them feel more at peace with themselves?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to balance self-compassion with personal responsibility? Did this practice help you feel more accepting and accountable?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how practicing self-compassion in a dialectical way can help you develop a healthier relationship with yourself. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this balance help you reduce self-criticism while maintaining personal responsibility?”
Activity 13: Managing Unmet Expectations with Dialectics
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients manage unmet expectations by using dialectical thinking to balance disappointment with acceptance. Clients learn to recognize that while things didn’t go as planned, they can still accept the reality and move forward.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on managing unmet expectations. The goal is to practice accepting disappointment while still recognizing that life moves forward.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a time when their expectations weren’t met, such as when a plan didn’t work out. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can balance disappointment with acceptance of the situation.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when your expectations weren’t met. Now, practice using dialectics to balance your disappointment with acceptance. Focus on recognizing that while things didn’t go as planned, you can still accept the situation and move forward.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to manage unmet expectations using dialectics. The therapist encourages them to focus on both their disappointment and their ability to accept reality and adapt.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing managing unmet expectations. Did balancing disappointment and acceptance help them feel more at peace with the situation?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to manage unmet expectations using dialectics? Did this practice help you feel more accepting and less frustrated?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how managing unmet expectations using dialectical thinking can help you feel less stressed. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you handle future disappointments with more grace and acceptance?”
Activity 14: Balancing Needs in Relationships
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice balancing their own needs with the needs of others in relationships, recognizing that both sets of needs are important. By using dialectics, clients can avoid sacrificing their own needs while still being considerate of others.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on balancing needs in relationships. The goal is to practice recognizing that your needs and the other person’s needs are both valid and important.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a relationship where they struggled to balance their needs with someone else’s, such as giving too much or taking too much. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can find a better balance.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a relationship where you had difficulty balancing your needs with the other person’s. Now, practice using dialectics to recognize that both sets of needs are important. Focus on finding a way to meet both your needs and theirs without sacrificing one for the other.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to balance needs in a relationship using dialectics. The therapist encourages them to focus on respecting both sets of needs and finding a compromise.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing balancing needs in a relationship. Did recognizing both sets of needs help them feel more balanced and considerate?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to balance your needs with someone else’s? Did this practice help you find a healthier balance in the relationship?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how balancing needs in relationships can help you maintain healthier connections. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you improve your relationships by respecting both your needs and others’ needs?”
Activity 15: Accepting Multiple Perspectives
Intro to activity:
This activity helps clients practice accepting multiple perspectives in situations where there is no single “right” answer. By recognizing the value of different viewpoints, clients can reduce frustration and find more inclusive solutions.
How to practice this activity:
Prompt:
“We’re going to focus on accepting multiple perspectives. The goal is to recognize that different viewpoints can all have value, even if they seem contradictory.”
Preparation:
The therapist asks clients to think about a time when they struggled to accept someone else’s perspective, believing their own viewpoint was the only correct one. Clients are encouraged to reflect on how they can recognize the validity of other perspectives.
Guidance:
Therapist says: “Think about a time when you had difficulty accepting someone else’s perspective. Now, practice how you can accept that multiple viewpoints can have value, even if they seem contradictory. Focus on recognizing the value of different perspectives and finding a solution that includes them.”
Experience:
Clients spend 5-10 minutes practicing how to accept multiple perspectives using dialectics. The therapist encourages them to focus on seeing value in different viewpoints and moving away from the idea of one “right” answer.
Observation:
Clients reflect on how they felt after practicing accepting multiple perspectives. Did recognizing the value of different viewpoints help them feel more open and less frustrated?
Discussion:
After the activity, the therapist asks: “What did it feel like to accept multiple perspectives? Did this practice help you feel more open to other viewpoints?”
Reflection:
Reflect on how accepting multiple perspectives can help you handle situations more inclusively. In a group, the therapist might ask: “How could practicing this skill help you find more balanced and effective solutions to challenges?”
